


nct one shot collection

by moonsuhs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I know the tags are all over the place but so is this work, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, One Shot Collection, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-12-22 18:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21081071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsuhs/pseuds/moonsuhs
Summary: a chaotic collection of mostly (all) markhyuck and jaeyong. they're all separate, so feel free to read out of order!*my first stab at writing rpf, so it isn’t the best but i’m leaving it up forpersonal development*





	1. table of contents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short blurbs about each work!

1\. markhyuck: hyuck is frustrated that mark can't pick up on his feelings, and then just lots of fluff after he does. (short and sweet, realization of feelings, mark is dumb and adorable)

2\. jaeyong: taeyong has a bad day, can't handle his stress well, and gets snappy at dinner. jaehyun is half told to and half volunteers to sort this out. (ends with cuddles because is it really complete if no one has cuddled yet)

3\. jaeyong: a small trigger (spilled tea, literally) sends taeyong into a full, spiraling meltdown while jaehyun is out, but something about his cologne is the thread that pulls him above water. (emotional hurt/comfort, angsty and kinda ouch, but taeyong is okay and gets cuddles)

4\. markhyuck: hyuck trips on stage, hurting his pride more than anything, and seeks comfort from mark. said boy needs a little nudge from the others before he notices this. (hurt/comfort, hyuck is okay i swear, some tears, more cuddles)

5\. jaeyong AU!: taeyong is dragged to a frat party, and meets jaehyun after accidentally trespassing onto his balcony. turns out, jaehyun is nothing that taeyong originally assumed of frat boys, and now it's 3am and his friends think he's been kidnapped. (fraternity, drinking, consensual! activities, it's not even third base i can't write smut, kisses and cuddles, jaehyun is actually a sweetheart)


	2. roommates (mh/jy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :: in which mark is bad with feelings, hyuck is bad at confrontation, and jaehyun solves all their problems, except for his own.

hyuck burst through the door to his room, shared with jaehyun, and flopped down onto his bed face-first with a groan.

'what's up hyuck?' jaehyun asked, looking up from his bed to see his younger roommate punching his pillow. he could guess, but he asked anyways.

hyuck stopped attacked his pillow and looked at him, eyebrows furrowed with frustration but a sad frown on his lips, 'mark.'

jaehyun went back to his phone. he understood hyuck's struggle, but he couldn't help but sympathize with mark. he knew he was shy and carrying a lot of responsibility, making him mature much faster than usual, and he felt bad that mark didn't get to experience the fun of a teenage romance. although, even he was surprised at how hyuck's almost overwhelming affection went completely unnoticed. 

'what is it this time?' he replied. 

'i told him he did really well on the way home from the show, and he said 'thanks'. then i said i really liked his eye makeup, and that i could do it for him one time maybe, and he didn't even answer! he just did that thing when he gets all awkward and then patted my shoulder. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO!'

hyuck's face was again buried in his pillow, muffling his frustrated screams, as he kicked the foot of his bed repeatedly.

'okay, hyuck. stop throwing a tantrum,' he sat up as hyuck huffed at him before rolling over and crossing his arms grumpily, 'stop telling mark you'll do his eye makeup for him, you know he doesn't like that.'

'but i want to- 'HYUCK', 'fine, i won't.'

'now, we both know mark isn't the most perceptive of feelings, and i know you're trying your best, but you can't be mad at him for it. do you want me to talk to him?' jae tried his best to console him.

'no it's okay, i just wish he would realize,' hyuck sighed, his frustration unwillingly turning into hot tears on his face as he rushed to swipe them away.

'it's okay, hyuckie. i know it can be hard, taeyong says i was pretty oblivious too in the beginning, so i have to sympathize with mark here. he'll realize soon enough.'

'i hope.'

he couldn't watch his roommate cry in despair like that, when the solution was just a few doors down. so he decided to fix it.

'where are you-'

'one second.'

jae left their room and walked towards the one he spent most nights in. somehow taeyong had gotten lucky with 1 of the 2 double beds in the entire dorm, and he wasn't going to let that extra space go unused. taeyong did share with mark, but he spent more time in his room with jaemin (the perk of being in both units) because he didn't like sleeping alone.

jae knocked once before entering, smiling at a sleepy taeyong sprawled across the bed before laying on his stomach next to him, hands propping up his chin. taeyong rolled over, stretched his arms with a yawn, and moved his head beside jae's elbows, puckering his lips and making a smooch noise. jae laughed and leaned down to peck his lips softly, both of them smiling into the kiss.

'sleepy?' jaehyun chuckled as he pulled away, hearing taeyong whine in objection.

'mark's taking too long in the shower,' taeyong groaned, pulling himself up and rubbing his face.

'i actually came here to find mark, i think we should talk to him,' jaehyun leaned against the wall as taeyong's face shifted in confusion.

'what about? has he done something?'

'c'mon yong, you know what about. it's even impacting our performances now.'

taeyong paused, genuinely confused as his brain went straight to leader mode, worried for mark's health and safety, until he remembered.

'...hyuck.'

'you said i was bad at picking up on feelings, but i think we can agree mark's about as observant as a dead fly,' jaehyun chuckled as he remembered the night taeyong finally confessed his feelings, how shy he was, and how shocked jae was.

'you were pretty bad, jae,' taeyong laughed too, his face flushing at the memory.

'that's not the point!' jae laughed and threw a pillow in taeyong's direction, 'how are we going to help mark? i'm pretty sure he likes hyuck, he's just so caught up in being a good leader for the dreamies.'

'i can talk to him, he carries a lot of responsibility and he just hasn't learned how to balance it,' taeyong took one of his hands in his, fiddling with his fingers.

jae sensed taeyong's worry, playing with fingers was a nervous habit of his, and he tried his best to sooth him, 'you're doing great taeyong, you're such a good leader, baby. for all of us.'

taeyong smiled up at him as jae brought their hands up to his lips, placing a soft, long kiss on the back of tae's hand. just as he released their hands back into his lap, the door opened to reveal a very disheveled mark.

'hey, sorry, i forgot to grab a shirt and then i accidentally dropped my phone in the sink when it was running and-'

'hey, hey, mark, relax. come sit down for a second,' jaehyun motioned for him to take a seat on the bed as taeyong tossed him a black top from his drawer, which he shrugged on.

'is everything okay? all the members are alright?' mark asked with a worried expression, and jae sighed, seeing so many similarities between him and taeyong, except mark was still a boy. he couldn't imagine the responsibility mark placed on himself.

'yes mark, everyone's okay. well..' taeyong assured him, before glancing at jaehyun, unsure of what to say, which only worried mark more.

'who's not okay?? what happened? is someone hurt?' he was about to jump of the bed, his pulse picking up speed.

'no mark, everyone's fine, i promise. relax, sit down please,' jaehyun almost felt guilty, watching the stress he'd caused mark slowly dissipate from his features, 'i just wanted to talk to you about hyuck.'

'oh,' mark's body stiffened.

'you guys are on good terms, right?' taeyong asked.

'yeah, sure. he's kind of.. weird sometimes, but he's practicing well and i don't think he's skipping meals or anything.'

'that's not what i mean, mark,' taeyong sighed, pushing his hair back, glancing at jae for support before continuing, 'i mean, like, do you maybe-'

'do you like him, mark?' jae asked, interrupting taeyong.

mark looked confused. 'i mean yeah, he's a good singer and-'

'as more than a friend?'

mark's mouth dropped. he had never thought about it, the possibility of liking hyuck as more than...

'wait, why are you asking?' mark questioned, wondering if jaehyun knew more than he did.

'because you clearly didn't know, and someone needed to bring it to your attention,' taeyong answered him.

mark looked from taeyong to jaehyun, slowly catching on. bringing something to his attention, clearly didn't know, more than friends, taeyong and jaehyun talking to him?

'does he have a... crush? on me?'

jaehyun chuckled as taeyong collapsed onto the bed, mark finally getting the message, 'took you long enough, markie.'

'but how do you know? are you sure?'

'mark, the whole dorm knows,' taeyong smiled at mark's shocked face, 'he's pretty in love with you.'

gears turned in mark's head as puzzle pieces started fitting together, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks, 'oh my god...'

'yeah. so what are you gonna do about it?' jaehyun asked.

mark looked worried, 'i... i don't know.'

taeyong sat up, feeling his wisdom could finally be of use.

'okay mark. you know i went through this with jae in the beginning. i understand how much it sucks for hyuckie right now, and you can't lead him on. you need to either tell him you're not interested, or you are. but i would really prefer you not break his heart tonight, and i think you know what your heart's telling you.'

'but the team... how can i lead well if i'm emotionally biased?' mark looked so troubled, it was starting to hurt jaehyun's heart.

he scooted to the end of the bed where mark was and wrapped his arms around him. he flinched, but eventually softened into his embrace.

'you need to put your responsibility to the side for a second and think about just you and hyuck. the dreamies will be fine either way, and honestly jaemin and renjun haven't shut up about you and hyuck since they figured out how whipped he was for you. i promise they'll be ecstatic,' jaehyun offered, hoping he would let go and allow himself to be a teen for once. he knew mark wasn't the type to mess with people's feelings, at least not purposefully.

mark sat in silence, his brain running a million miles an hour. did he like hyuck? romantically? could he get past his leader responsibilities?

'just go talk to him, mark. he needs support right now, it's been a rough day for him,' jaehyun spoke softly, looking him in the eye and seeing a flash of guilt.

'the eye makeup..' mark said, mostly to himself. suddenly everything made sense. he pushed himself up off the bed and left the room.

as the door closed, jaehyun and taeyong smiled at each other and high fived.

'we're pretty good romance counselors, i'd say,' jaehyun said, and taeyong nodded.

'considering we went through the exact same thing last year, i'd hope we'd have good advice,' taeyong chuckled.

they laughed and taeyong grabbed his stuff for a shower, pecking jaehyun's lips before heading to the bathroom.

———

mark knocked softly on jaehyun and hyuck's door, waiting for a noise of approval before he turned the handle.

instead, the door swung open, 'you don't need to knock, it's your ro- oh. hi mark. jae's not here,' hyuck's voice went flat as he stared at the floor.

'i actually wanted to talk to you, hyuck,' mark spoke softly, treading very carefully and watching hyuck's expression after every word.

hyuck looked up at that, 'why? did i do something wrong? i know i messed up the fire truck choreo at practice earlier but it's because we haven't done that choreo in a while and-'

'no hyuck, it's not that. you did fine today, don't worry,' mark assured, touching his arm softly, feeling him stiffen but relax almost immediately after.

'so what is it?' hyuck seemed worried, and it made him sad. did he only ever talk to him when he had bad news? maybe he had been a bad friend.

'let's sit down,' mark said as he stepped inside the room, sitting side by side on his messy, unmade bed.

'so, uh...' mark started, but trailed off, absolutely lost on how to lead into his point. hyuck just eyed him nervously, and he took a deep breath before continuing.

'jaehyun told me that you... have a crush on me,' mark burst out, almost cringing at how awful he was at talking about feelings.

'i swear i toLD HIM NOT TO SAY ANYTH-' hyuck nearly screamed, getting up to yell at his roommate, but he was stopped by a hand on his forearm.

'it's okay, i'm sort of glad he did,' mark said softly, looking down from hyuck's confused stare.

'i thought you didn't like me like that,' hyuck said, a little sour.

'i mean, i don't know, but i'm glad he told me. a lot of things make sense now,' mark looked back at hyuck pacing back and forth.

he stopped to stare him directly in the eyes, 'yeah? what makes sense? that i love your eyes and i want to find the perfect eyeshadow that accentuates them, and that watching you dance is addicting and watching you write lyrics is my favorite hobby and listening to you speak english, even if i don't understand it, is unexplainably calming? that seeing you worry about us breaks my heart, that i wish i could take the worries i know you carry because it's not fair that you keep it all locked up? that you put so much pressure on yourself to be a good leader for us when you're already under a lot of stress from the other units? that i wish i could just tell you how i felt, that i wish i could comfort you and share the weight? that i'm completely in love with you, mark lee?'

mark looked speechless, 'i... i've been so blind, huh, hyuckie'.

'yeah.'

hyuck sat back down next to him with a heavy sigh. he pulled his hands into the sleeves of his grey hoodie and slouched over, not sure what else to say. now mark knew, and it was his move.

and he decided to take it.

after a moment of complete silence, he went for it. he grabbed the strings on hyuck's hoodie, probably his anyways, and pulled them towards his chest. taken by surprise, he all but fell into mark's lap with a gasp. he released the strings and hyuck tried to sit back up, but was held in place. his mouth was cracked open, confusion evident on his face, but mark thought he was cute. what better to see if he liked him than this?

hyuck's hands were holding himself up, gripped onto both of mark's thighs and sending tingles through his body and spine. they stayed like that for a moment, breathing fast, hearts racing. mark mustered up all his courage and went for it.

he leaned in, closer, closer, watching as hyuck's eyes fluttered shut and his lips ghosted over his soft, pale pink ones. at that moment, he understood why his heart sometimes beat of his chest when hyuck would attempt to give him exaggerated kisses, why he was always aware of hyuck hanging on renjun or jaemin, why it frustrated him involuntarily. why he hated seeing him sad more than anyone.

he closed the distance between them excruciatingly slow, their lips barely touching as he held back, testing the water. the shivers going through his entire body were enough of a sign, and he figured hyuck felt them too when he suddenly pushed mark back onto the bed.

they broke apart for a second, mark shocked by his action, but smiled as he saw hyuck's peachy pink cheeks and shimmering eyes looking back at him, pure happiness painted across his face. mark reached up and dragged him back down, closing the distance. he ran a soft, shaky finger along his cheekbone, down his jaw, looking back up to meet his eyes.

'you always say i have pretty eyes, but have you seen yours? i think i see the milky way in there,' mark chuckled, never breaking their gaze.

hyuck smiled softly, 'never thought i'd hear you say something nice to me by choice.'

mark scoffed, 'i say nice stuff to you all the time! yesterday i said you did good at practice, and i said i liked your... shoes... once.. i think,' eyebrows furrowing as he realized that maybe he'd been even more oblivious than he thought.

'you liked them because they were yours,' hyuck laughed, 'and before you say anything else dumb...'

hyuck leaned down and pressed his lips back to mark's, surprising him. his eyes were wide, before he remembered to close them, and kissed back. his hand went to the back of hyuck's fluffy head of hair, twisting the strands and pulling slightly. hyuck smiled against his lips as mark sat up, pulling him closer by his hair. they sat, hyuck nearly in his lap, mark's hands in his hair and hyuck's hands twisted in his black top, lips on each other's and hearts soaring. perhaps mark really did need to thank jaehyun and taeyong.

they stayed like that for hours, on hyuck's bed, kissing and holding hands and cuddling, hyuck talked about his worries and mark talked about his stress, and they comforted each other. hyuck felt safe, having mark as his lover rather than his leader felt more secure, more like home. mark felt like a kid again, like he was finally getting to experience a high school romance with flirting and sappy kisses and ignoring all his responsibilities because in that room, the only thing that mattered was hyuck. his only, fleeting connection to innocence and childhood and peace.

they fell asleep with twisted limbs and sweet kisses on foreheads and noses. mark woke up early the next morning, sweaty from the extra body's warmth beside him, but happier than ever before. he looked over at hyuck, moved a few stray hairs out of his eyes and admired his glowing skin before getting up silently and leaving the room.

he walked into the living room to find jaehyun sitting on the couch, looking out on their view of the city skyline. it was around 7am, he guessed, and they didn't have a schedule today, so everyone would be asleep until much later.

as he sat next to him on the couch, he gave mark a knowing wink and an eyebrow wiggle, to which mark smacked him on the arm.

'how'd it go markie,' he giggled.

mark's cheeks went red as he looked away, 'we talked, and then i kissed him.'

'that quick? damn, you're more of a player than i was,' jaehyun laughed at the look on mark's face, wide-eyed and embarrassed, 'but i'm glad it went well for you.'

'he makes me feel like, like all my stress and worries just disappear. my muscles relax and my heart races and i feel like a kid again. he's always been like a kid but now, it's like our maturity levels balance out in the middle,' mark chuckled to himself, and jae listened, but he wasn't really paying attention.

he was thinking of taeyong, how much he knew weighed on tae, and he hoped with all his heart that his own presence had as much of an impact on taeyong as hyuck's did on mark. he knew mark and taeyong related on that level, that they took it upon themselves to carry the entire team, protecting them from stresses and fears, hiding it away. it wasn't until now that he realized how much taeyong truly needed his support, and how much mark needed it too.

'you two are a perfect match, markie,' jae whispered with a warm smile, happy that it had worked out in the best possible way.

'thank you for telling me, jae,' mark turned to him, 'i wish you would've told me even sooner.'

jaehyun grinned, patted his arm, and was about to make a sarcastic comment when voices began echoing down the hall.

renjun, jaemin, and chenle came storming into the living room, renjun leading the pack.

'TAEYONG SAID THAT MARK AND HYUCK ARE DATING,' renjun hollered, a frazzled taeyong right on their heels.

the exclamation had caused others to poke their heads sleepily out of cracked doors, annoyed but also intrigued. mark spotted a fluffy blonde head poking out from the room he'd just left. mark and jaehyun exchanged a look, jae was laughing while mark looked mortified.

'mark has something he'd like to say,' he announced to the circle of boys that had appeared.

mark looked around at the expectant eyes. although he hadn't said anything yet, they seemed overly exuberant for how early it was.

'um... me and hyuck are.... we're...' mark started, struggling to find the words and suddenly realizing he hadn't actually confirmed anything with hyuck.

'we're dating,' a voice spoke from behind the audience, heads twisting around in search of the owner.

'I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW MARK WOULD REALIZE EVENTUALLY!!!' renjun cheered, running over to hug hyuck, who was standing in his doorway, and then over to mark.

the other boys just laughed, a chorus of 'we were waiting' and 'took you long enough' spreading over them as they patted hyuck on the head, giving tight hugs and high fives to both of them before returning to their rooms. it was hours too early for anyone to be awake on a free day.

as the room cleared again, mark saw hyuck standing in the doorway of his room with a big smile on his face. jaehyun poked mark in the side and pointed at hyuck.

'we may need to adjust room assignments,' jaehyun laughed and smiled at hyuck, 'you know how much i love you hyuckie, but it seems obvious now.'

he turned to mark and pulled him over to whisper in his ear, 'to be honest, i've been waiting for this to happen so we can switch rooms for ages, but it seemed unfair to hyuck to put him in a room with his crush. now, there's no excuses.'

mark's reaction made jaehyun laugh, 'you mean you've been anticipating this for a long time??'

'oh, it was pretty much since debut, markie.'

mark was awestruck, making him laugh more, before he pushed him off the couch, 'go cuddle with your boyfriend, he's waiting.'

mark walked towards the fluffy haired boy who was still smiling in the doorway, following him back into their room without a look back.

jaehyun got up too, filling a glass with water before making his way back to taeyong's, and now his, room. as he was passing by, hyuck's head popped out of the door.

'so mark and i are getting the double bed, right?' his smile was innocent but his eyes twinkled with humor.

'right. in your dreams, hyuckie,' jaehyun laughed, hearing mark call for hyuck from inside the room.

hyuck gave him one last look, a quiet 'thank you' left his lips as jaehyun ruffled his hair.

'no problem, hyuckie. go back to bed,' he smiled warmly as hyuck closed the door again, leaving him by himself.

he paused for a moment, thinking over everything that had happened in the last 12 hours. how it had worked out so well, he'd never know, but he was glad it did. with a happy heart and a warm smile, he made his way back to his and taeyong's room, opening the door and approaching the bed. taeyong had already fallen back asleep after being harassed by renjun and the dreamies for more information, and jae placed his cup on the bedside table before climbing under the covers and twisting his arms around him. taeyong rolled over, eyes closed and half asleep, but seeking the warmth and comfort of his arms. jaehyun sighed in content, feeling taeyong's slow, soft breaths against his neck, and fell asleep in complete peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally published september 2018. all work is my own. 
> 
> aug 2019 edit: plEAse let me promise you they get better. this was my first swing at writing one shots, the next ones are better i SWEAR!!!
> 
> my [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aurorahobi) :)


	3. on your mind (jy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :: in which taeyong hides things. and jaehyun knows it. taeyong isn't good at hiding things. jaehyun knows that too. but when it goes too far, jaehyun takes matters into his own hands.

6:43pm. 43 minutes late, jaehyun heard the front door slam and footsteps entering their dorm. he was splayed across the couch in the living room, the tv on but turned down, and he was playing mindless games on his phone impatiently. as he heard the door unlocking and opening, he shot up in anticipation.

'taeyong?' he called out, but was left in silence. him and the other boys had been given the day off, while taeyong still had meetings and work to do before the recording for their next album began. while he enjoyed the free day, jaehyun still worried for the stress taeyong carried and wanted to know how his day had gone.

he sighed. he hoped taeyong had just not heard him, that he wanted to shower before dinner, and that there was nothing wrong.

'jae, can you help me cook?' taeil called to him from the kitchen. jaehyun pushed himself off the sofa and fluffed his hair up, trying to push the worries out of his mind as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed the vegetables taeil handed to him to chop up.

'was that taeyong coming back?' taeil asked, immediately bringing all his thoughts back, and jae chopped his onion with a little more force.

'yeah i think so, i didn't see him though,' jae replied, 'he's probably showering before dinner.'

'how's he doing lately? doyoung seems to think the stress is getting to him,' taeil responded as the meat he was cooking sizzled in the pan, stirring the noodles boiling with his other hand.

'he's fine, just a little tired,' jaehyun assured him, finishing the onion and tossing the chopped pieces in with the meat before reaching for some cabbage.

'are you sure? he seems exhausted, maybe he needs to take a break. we don't want him shutting down on us like-'

'HE'S FINE TAEIL.'

taeil nearly dropped the pot he was draining in the sink, turning around to look at jaehyun with surprise, a glint of something in his eye that he couldn't identify.

taeil suddenly rushed forward, discarding the noodles and grabbing jaehyun by the wrist, yanking him towards the sink. jaehyun was confused, feeling sorry about his outburst, but he couldn't hold back the fiery rush of emotion that suddenly coursed through his veins.

taeil pulled his hand under the tap and turned it on, cold water suddenly washing over his fingers and wrist.

'what are you doing?' jae asked, confusion still evident as taeil looked back at him with his brows furrowed.

'jae, look at your hand,' taeil said softly as he turned jae's hand over in his and pulled it slightly out of the water. a thin slash of blood welled up almost immediately across his palm, but taeil pushed his hand back under the faucet before he could even process it.

jae stood there with his mouth open, still confused about what had happened, but the pain was starting to kick in, and he turned to see the knife he dropped on the floor and a few drops of blood beside it and on his shirt.

'don't worry, i'll clean it up,' taeil spoke up, releasing his hand, 'but keep that under the water for now. YUTA!'

as taeil picked up the knife and wiped up the floor, yuta walked into the kitchen, observing the situation.

'did you cut your hand?' he asked jae, walking over to see, 'what happened?'

'he's fine, i just startled him when he was chopping vegetables,' taeil said without looking up, 'can you take the meat off the heat and mix it with the noodles please?'

yuta nodded, moving to the stove. jaehyun tried to catch taeil's eye, not understanding why he had lied, but he avoided it, cleaning up and finishing the cabbage quickly. jaehyun felt the need to apologize, but he was still stunned by what had happened.

'here jae, take the ice pack and hold it tightly, and go ask doyoung to wrap your hand. he knows where the gauze is.'

jaehyun nodded, taking the ice pack from taeil's hand and followed orders wordlessly, leaving the kitchen with his head hung low. he would certainly need to apologize later that night.

he entered doyoung's room to find him and hyuck watching a movie on hyuck's laptop, but they paused it when the door opened. jaehyun stood there, forgetting for a moment what he was there for, and suddenly felt the urge to cry. but he wouldn't, not now.

'do you need someth- what happened to your hand jae?' doyoung suddenly got off the bed and reached for his hand.

'i... i cut it with the knife,' jaehyun responded, 'taeil told me to ask you to wrap it up.'

'sure, jae. what made you slip up? you always cut the vegetables for dinner,' doyoung asked as he went to get the gauze from the bathroom.

jaehyun sat down next to hyuck on the bed, slouching over with a sigh, not missing but choosing to ignore the obvious concern on hyuck's face.

'taeil said he thinks taeyong might end up like..' he suddenly struggled to take a deep breath, his chest shuddering involuntarily, to which hyuck placed a soft hand on his back, 'like, like mark did last summer.'

the pain in his hand was dulled by the white-hot fear that suddenly exploded in his chest and heart, straining his muscles and making it difficult to breathe. doyoung walked back into the room just as hyuck nearly screamed, 'WHAT?'

'hyuck,' doyoung said sternly, even though he was just as surprised, 'keep your voice down.'

'but how could he say that about taeyong? it was so hard on all of us, but he was most hurt by what happened last summer. there's no way he would let that happen again, he'd tell us, he would,' hyuck dropped his hand from jae's back to run it through his messy, strawberry blonde locks.

'of course he would,' doyoung said again as he kneeled in front of jaehyun, grabbing his palm to wrap the cut softly with gauze, 'you don't need to worry about him.'

they sat in silence for a moment, doyoung finishing up and tying it securely before yuta's voice echoed through the hallway.

'DINNER!'

doyoung stood up, 'go on hyuck, i'm gonna finish cleaning his hand real fast.'

hyuck thought for a moment, looking at jaehyun, up at doyoung, and then back to jaehyun again, before getting up slowly and complying, patting jae's arm as he left the room, 'sit next to me, hyung.'

'of course, hyuckie,' he forced a smile at him, but the pain in his chest was still raging.

doyoung kneeled back down to his eye level as soon as the door closed, placing both hands on jaehyun's knees, the look on his face very serious.

'you must talk to taeyong after dinner. we know he's not very open about his feelings, and the only person he'd even consider opening up to is you. if we don't stop this before it happens, he'll end up like mark, but worse. and we both know it.'

jaehyun's breath caught in his throat, doyoung's words finally bringing light to the situation. taeil was right.

'i'll talk to him. he'll be alright, maybe he had a good day today, i haven't even seen him,' jaehyun answered, trying to assure himself of the positives.

'if you haven't seen him yet, perhaps that's a sign in itself, jae.'

jaehyun looked up into doyoung's chocolate doe eyes. he was right, and jae knew it, but he wished with all his heart that he wasn't. doyoung held his gaze for a few moments, seeing the worry in his eyes, before pulling him up and wrapping his arms around him.

'he'll be alright jae, don't worry. you know how to help him, he trusts you.'

jaehyun sighed into his embrace, gripping onto his shirt with his uninjured hand.

'you know that,' doyoung said, stroking his back assuringly, to which jaehyun nodded against his shoulder.

'GUYS COME ON WE'RE WAITING,' johnny's voice called from the kitchen.

doyoung pulled back and offered his typical slight smile to jaehyun, before turning and walking out to dinner. jaehyun sighed, glancing at his wrapped hand, before following stride.

——

they were all seated, eating, light conversation floating between the 13 boys. jae was struggling to eat with his wrapped hand, accidentally dropping his chopsticks and elbowing hyuck in the process of trying to pick them up. hyuck laughed and playfully fed him bites of food, making the other boys chuckle as well.

'what happened to your hand jae?' taeyong spoke up from the opposite side of the table.

jaehyun stopped laughing, the table growing quieter, 'i accidentally slipped while cutting the cabbage.'

'that's never happened before.'

jaehyun didn't know how to respond, 'i was a little distracted.'

taeyong looked curious, his tired eyes opening slightly wider in focus, 'what distracted you?'

jaehyun looked at doyoung for help, but doyoung just stared back at him, unfaltering but unwilling to step up.

'hey taeyong, how were the meetings today?' taeil spoke up, causing jaehyun to snap his head in the direction of the voice. he gave taeil a warning glance, but when he looked back to taeyong, his eyes were already on him.

'they were fine, taeil. no need to worry. we'll begin recording in a few days, but it's been set back a little bit and i'll need to continue discussing with the managers, so you all have a few more free days,' taeyong spoke confidently and smoothly, as a leader should, but jaehyun could sense something was off.

'there was no issues at all? then why were you back late?' taeil pressed on, ignoring the stares of both jaehyun and doyoung now. the table has grown quiet, all eyes on their leader.

'i told you there were no problems, taeil,' taeyong was focused on eating his meal, the lone sound of metal chopsticks scratching on ceramic echoed in the otherwise silent room. the other boys shared glances with each other.

hyuck poked jaehyun in the side, causing him to turn and look at the younger. hyuck spoke without moving his lips, raising his eyebrows as if to say, 'what are you waiting for?'. jaehyun wasn't sure what he wanted him to say, looking at him with a confused expression. hyuck sighed a little too loud, pulling another facial expression, but someone had already beat jaehyun and broken the silence.

'do you have something you'd like to say to me, donghyuck?' taeyong spoke sternly, his chopsticks clattering onto his plate as he pushed back his chair from the table forcefully.

the silence was thick, hyuck taken aback by the outburst directed at him, 'n-no taeyong. i wasn't saying anything'

'well it looks like you were trying to tell jaehyun something, why don't you just say it to the rest of us?'

hyuck looked around the table, begging for help, but everyone was suddenly very focused on their plates, 'i really wasn't trying to say anyth-'

'GOD donghyuck when will stop being such a smartass! you're lying directly to my face and YOU KNOW IT!' taeyong stood up suddenly, his chair squealing on the floor and nearly tipping behind him.

hyuck jumped in his seat, fear evident in his features as he grabbed jaehyun's forearm and squeezed hard under the table. jaehyun rubbed his thigh in comfort and he looked at taeyong with wide eyes, as were the rest of his tablemates.

'i-i'm sorry, taeyong, i'm sorry-,' hyuck spoke just as mark stepped up. although he was younger, he was often the only one after jaehyun who would stand up to taeyong, especially when it came to leadership.

'he didn't do anything wrong, taeyong, please,' mark spoke calmly, although it was clear he was just as uncomfortable as the rest of them, 'just sit back down and finish dinner.'

'i'm not hungry.'

taeyong's voice was lower as he looked around at the table of frightened boys, none of them daring to meet his eyes. he clenched his fists in frustration, already regretting the outburst and mad that he couldn't control his emotions. he huffed as he took one last look at the table before turning around. he couldn't be there anymore.

taeyong stormed off without another word, and jaehyun silently prayed he wouldn't walk out. he didn't know what to do if taeyong walked out their front door, how to stop him, how to help him.

thankfully, he turned right, and walked down the hallway of bedrooms, a slam echoing a few moments later. the entire table visibly exhaled, heads falling into hands, anxious glances exchanged, a few tears falling down hyuck's cheek. jaehyun reached to wipe them away quickly, pulling hyuck into a side hug as he whimpered apology after apology.

'it's not your fault, hyuckie,' mark spoke from the end of the table, 'he just had a rough day. that's all.'

hyuck looked up at him from jaehyun's chest, his eyes and cheeks reddened, 'what are we gonna do?'

with just those 5 words, all the boys seemed to understand what he meant, mark especially. jaehyun could see the memories flashing across his eyes as he recalled the hell they'd been through the summer before. how mark had taken on too much, leading the dreamies and being involved in the other units, and how it had all come collapsing down on him. how he'd ignored any help offered, even from his own leader, and how much it tore apart the other members to watch him self-destruct. johnny, sitting beside him, rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, 'that's in the past now, markie.'

'we made it through last time, we're all family guys. we just need to show him we're here to help, that we can help,' johnny said, earning a chorus of nods.

'i think jaehyun should go talk to him.'

all eyes turned to the boy seated next to yuta, speaking up for the first time that night. yuta patted his leg affectionately, 'i agree with sicheng.'

'me too,' hyuck said, sitting up with a sniffle and looking at jaehyun with glossy eyes, 'we all know he listens to you best. he's in love with you after all. if anyone can dig it out of him, it's you, jae.'

jaehyun looked around the table, meeting eyes with everyone. it was clear what he needed to do.

'what should i say?' he asked, thinking over how to conversation might go, but being met with screaming or tears at every possibility.

'just comfort him, make sure he knows you want to help him, you're there for him,' doyoung said, 'he has to know that or he won't open up.'

jaehyun took a deep breath before pushing his chair back and rising, 'wish me luck.'

'you've got this jae,' taeil smiled, patting him on the arm as he walked past, 'remember he's not only your leader, but your lover. treat him as a lover tonight, let your emotion through.'

jaehyun took his advice into his mind, pondering it, but only stressed himself more, so he continued walking, looked back once at the table of boys watching him, giving him forced smiles, and walked into the dark hallway.

——

jaehyun knocked once, awaiting permission to enter. none came, so he called out softly, 'taeyong, it's jae.'

no response. he waited for a moment, considering just going back to the dining room and facing this in the morning, but he couldn't let taeyong suffer by himself. he pushed open the door softly and slipped in.

taeyong was lying on his side, facing away from the door, and jaehyun couldn't tell if he was asleep or not. he stood still, wondering if it was a good idea to wake up him or just let him sleep, before a voice interrupted his thoughts.

'if you're here to me get to apologize, i won't.'

jaehyun sighed and approached the bed, 'i won't ask you to apologize, tae, even though i think you were out of line.'

at that comment, taeyong rolled over and sat up to face him, eyes fiery and dark.

'how was i out of line? i am his elder, not to mention his leader. hyuck lied to my face, and i simply called him out. he needs to learn some manners,' taeyong almost growled.

jaehyun sat down on the edge of taeyong's single bed, reaching out to taeyong reflexively, but pulled back his hand almost as fast and placed it on his own thigh. he knew how to get through taeyong's shell, the first step was no physical contact.

'will you tell me what happened at work today? what actually happened?' jae asked softly, his soft eyes focused on taeyong's dark ones. step two, eye contact.

taeyong exaggerated a groan, 'i already told you, it was fi-,'

'i did not ask you how it was. i asked you what happened,' jaehyun spoke sternly, interrupting taeyong's frustrated remark. he could see the surprise on taeyong's face, but he knew he wouldn't dare scold him.

'we went over schedules, tour dates, lineups, recording sessions, interviews, all that stuff, it's too confusing to explain, but it's all under control,' taeyong continued, this time a little more composed, a little less fiery. jaehyun was glad to see some progress.

'i see. so why were you late?' jaehyun turned to face him on the bed, lessening the distance between them bit by bit. he could smell taeyong's familiar shampoo, and all he wanted to do was lay down with him and sleep. but there was no time for that now.

'i got in a-, uh, there was a lot of traffic,' taeyong replied curtly, and jaehyun could see the walls he was slowly breaking down build right back up.

'traffic doesn't make you 43 minutes late, taeyong,' jaehyun was getting frustrated, 'just tell me what happened that kept you late.'

taeyong huffed at him, 'nothing happened, jaehyun. i was just slow in leaving and we got caught in traffic.'

jaehyun had had enough. he hated when taeyong called him jaehyun, it was only when he was annoyed, and he had no right to be annoyed.

'i swear to GOD taeyong, stop lying straight to my face and tell me what happened. i am just as much a member of this group as you are, and i deserve to know anything involving it,' jaehyun felt strange raising his voice at taeyong, especially seeing the look of surprise on his face, but he was getting tired of how little taeyong cared about the situation.

'you can't keep all of this to yourself. i know something went wrong because i know you, and i know when you get home and slink off to your room and don't say anything to me that something happened. i am your member, your best friend, your lover, jesus taeyong. i'm not an idiot, none of us are idiots, we've lived together long enough that we know when something's up. and when it builds up and you start yelling at us for stupid reasons, especially the youngers, it scares all of us. they are afraid to talk to you when you're like this. is that the kind of leader you want to be taeyong?'

jaehyun immediately felt bad for his words, knowing he was too harsh, but once he started, he couldn't stop. but now, looking at the boy in front of him, he felt his anger dissipate.

taeyong was curled into himself, looking smaller than jaehyun thought possible, his fiery eyes turned flat and dull. jaehyun wanted nothing more than to wrap him up and comfort him, but he knew he was almost through to him.

there was a long silence after jaehyun finished, neither boy moved an inch, daring the other to say something.

'i had a fight with the manager,' taeyong finally said, his voice cracking on the last word as his body shuddered, 'i argued with him about line distributions.'

jaehyun finally closed the distance between them, reaching out to pull him in just as taeyong leaned forward, craving the comfort of his lover's arms. as he collapsed into jaehyun's huge black hoodie, half hugging him but mostly just pressing his body against him as tightly as possible, a shiver ran up his spine and he cowered further into jaehyun's arms.

jaehyun pulled them both backwards so he could lean against the wall, 'and what happened with that?' he asked calmly.

taeyong took a deep breath to steady his breathing, 'i told him i thought they were unfair, and he said that's how it had to be. i told him we could shift them around just a little bit, it wouldn't make much of a difference. he got really mad.'

jaehyun almost shuddered imagining the scenario, their manager was very kind and supportive to them, but he was also extremely intimidating, and jaehyun would never dare pick a fight with him.

'did you argue back?' jaehyun asked, running his hands through taeyong's hair and feeling his shoulders relax slightly against his chest.

'i didn't want to, but i couldn't imagine going home and having to face sicheng, watching his face when he records another song with only 2 lines. or johnny, who's worked harder and longer than all of us, still not getting a full verse to himself. i didn't want to argue, but i did. and he got very mad, and even though i begged, nothing changed.'

jaehyun sighed, he also hated seeing his members be treated so unfairly, but they truly had no control over it, 'it's not your fault taeyong, you tried your best.'

taeyong was quiet for a moment, but then he pushed off of jaehyun's chest to look him in the eyes, tears blurring his vision.

'johnny is going to hate me,' was all he managed to get out before the tears started. slipping down his cheeks, he didn't even attempt to wipe them away. 

he held eye contact with jaehyun, which hurt him more than he thought possible. he reached out to wipe the tears off his face, but taeyong pushed his hand back.

'johnny is going to hate me,' he spoke shakily as more tears fell, 'and sicheng won't say anything but he'll be sad. which means yuta will be upset, and that hurts taeil, and if taeil's upset he doesn't sing as well, which throws off you and doyoung and messes up the recording, and mark picks up on stuff so fast and i've already hurt hyuck.'

jaehyun reached out to pull him back but taeyong pushed his arms down. he'd forgotten what his mission was, now all he wanted was for taeyong to stop crying and to take all his pain away, and his best method was cuddles. but taeyong wasn't having it.

'jae what do i do? i'm a failure of a leader, i can't change anything, i keep making people upset, and i'm so tired,' he faltered off, tears falling consistently now, his walls torn down and he allowed himself to let go of everything he'd been holding on to.

jaehyun was begging now, 'please, just let me hold you.'

taeyong sniffled more, looking at jaehyun with tired eyes, before pulling him over to lay back against the head of the bed, laying his own head beside his. jaehyun immediately snuck his arm around taeyong and pulled him tightly against him, his head and arm slung across jaehyun's chest.

'you are not a failure, taeyong. you are trying your best, we all know that, nobody's perfect. you carry so much responsibility and everything you do have control of is perfect, but things like lines and compositions, we know you can't control that. i can't tell you that sicheng won't be sad about not having more lines, but he surely will not hate you, and neither will the rest of them. they understand and love you, taeyong, they want to support you. we all do. we're all in this together, don't you remember what happened last summer?'

taeyong shuddered in his grip at the memory, jaehyun knew taeyong was most affected by it, and how guilty he felt, but he needed taeyong to understand that this was the direction they were heading in.

'we don't want to go back there again. so, we need to be more open with each other, right? we need to handle these conflicts and stresses as a group, rather than bottling them up and hiding them from everyone. don't you think?'

jaehyun could feel taeyong nod against his chest, and he sighed. maybe, just maybe, they could end this right here.

'i'll work on it, jae, i promise,' taeyong spoke hoarsely, 'i'll share everything.'

'good, my love,' jaehyun replied, 'that's a step in the right direction.'

he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on taeyong's fluffy blonde hair.

taeyong's sniffled quieted and his breathing leveled, leading jaehyun to believe he was asleep. he was nearly asleep as well when the door cracked open slightly.

'jae?' a soft voice called from the darkness, 'is taeyong alright?'

he recognized the younger's voice, 'yes hyuckie, he's perfectly fine. he'll apologize to you tomorrow.'

'it's okay, he doesn't need to. i'm just happy he's okay,' jaehyun could see the faint glint of hyuck's bright smile.

'me too, hyuck. goodnight.'

'goodnight jae, see you in the morning,' hyuck whispered, and closed the door softly.

jaehyun sighed to himself, feeling taeyong tighten his grip around his middle and whimper softly, and he raised a hand to twist it into taeyong's hair.

he thought about all the ways he'd imagined this talk ending, and this was surely the best case scenario. they would make progress, taeyong wouldn't hold everything in, and everyone would be happier. they would get through this as a team, he had no doubt. with a smile, he snuggled down and enjoyed the warmth of his lover on his chest, and fell asleep at last to the rhythm of his breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally published november 2018. all work is my own. 
> 
> october 2019 edit: i want to delete this because it is embarrassingly bad but i also think it's good to see how i've grown. everyone starts somewhere! 
> 
> my [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aurorahobi) :)


	4. the language of flora (jy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :: in which taeyong loses control, and jaehyun brings home to him. in the form of flora. because sometimes, flowers speak better than words.

'damn it just fucking unlock!' taeyong hissed at the key he was jamming into the door of their shared dorms, unable to get it to twist open.

he was home late, as usual, and the sun had already set by the time he made it up the stairs of their building. when he finally jiggled the key in, he flung the door open with a huff, kicked it shut behind him, and then looked up to see 5 pairs of eyes watching him from the living room couches. doyoung, taeil, johnny, renjun, and jeno were sat staring, attention stolen from the movie on the tv screen in front of them, and taeyong felt a bit of guilt twist his stomach. but not enough.

'hi taeyongie, how was your da-' doyoung began, only to be interrupted by the fiery haired boy.

'fine, doyoung,' he replied curtly, turning away from the boys and tossing his shoes into the pile by the door. he knew taeil hated the mess, but that wasn't stopping him.

'alright. do you want to watch this movie with us? renjun picked spider-man,' doyoung asked him in a softer tone, seemingly picking up on his mood.

'sorry, i've got work to do,' taeyong waved them off, 'enjoy the movie, but keep the volume down.'

'we will hyung,' jeno replied with a sweet smile, only to see taeyong's back disappear around the corner without another word. jeno looked over at doyoung in confusion, he rarely saw taeyong so blunt, usually he'd come over and cuddle the kids when he saw them out. doyoung gave him a small shrug and a pat on the hand, 'he'll sleep it off, don't worry.'

meanwhile, taeyong has made it to his studio to start working on the next tracks for their newest album. he had recently taken up the role as main composer, meaning he had to spend time not only practicing and perfecting his own verses, but also supervising and mentoring the seventeen other boys, fitting their voices together intricately and smoothly. not to mention writing lyrics and producing the songs. sometimes he wondered how he hadn't dropped dead yet.

sitting down at his desk, he spread the messy notes of lyrics and compositions across his desk, set his massive keyboard in front of him, and set to work on figuring out the melody for their final song on the album. once he got that down, maybe he'd get a little break before comeback practice began and he'd need to start working on choreos.

he messed around with the keyboard for a bit, writing down specific notes and chords that flowed well together, cutting them up and playing different instruments over them on the computer. he was getting more and more frustrated by the minute, nothing seemed right to him, the sounds weren't working, and the longer he sat there the more everything started to sound the same, dull and repetitive.

just as he was about to bang his fist against the keyboard, a knock on the door startled him.

'can i come in?' he heard a soft voice call.

taeyong took a deep breath to relax his nerves, 'sure.'

the door cracked open to reveal a small, smiley renjun with a drink in his hands, 'i brewed this for you, to help you focus, you know,' a pinkish tone rising to his cheeks as he placed a mug of herbal smelling tea on taeyong's desk.

taeyong couldn't stop the smile forming on his face, almost lost for words at the small but very thoughtful act of kindness from his younger.

'i.. thank you, renjunnie,' taeyong reaches up to ruffle his hair in affection, smiling as renjun giggled and shoved his hand away.

'so what are you working on?' renjun asked as he looked at the mess of papers on his desk, picking up a few to investigate.

'the final track for 127's next album, i've nearly got it, i just can't get a good melody. my brain's a little fried lately,' taeyong mumbled.

'yeah, we've noticed. but it's okay! i know you can do it, you always do so well with our albums, we're all very proud,' renjun beamed as he spoke so proudly of the older boy.

taeyong felt his heart flutter a bit, the stress leaving his tensed shoulders. it was nice to remember that no matter what happened with their album, if they sold a million or none at all, his members would still love him all the same. that comfort was nice.

or it was nice while it lasted. but all peace and comfort in taeyong's world was fleeting.

renjun saw a smaller paper with scribbles on the far side of the desk, and when he reached over to pick it up, his sweater dragged across the surface, knocking over taeyong's cup of pens and highlighters, as well as the full, hot cup of tea renjun had just set down. as quickly as it tipped, renjun snatched it back up, spilling scorching hot water on his hand and arm, but he knew that was the least of his worries right now. his eyes were wide and his mouth hung open, pulling his burned hand into his chest, unable to speak. as he looked over the, now soaked, mess of papers on his desk, pens scattered everywhere and on the floor, he began backing up instinctively.

taeyong didn't make a sound.

the tea was now dripping off the side of the table, onto taeyong's jeans, but he didn't move. he watched the liquid slowly spread up the sheets of notes, watched the ink lift off, blend, and fade. he watched the hours of tedious concentration, the melodies, the lyrics, any bit of a direction he had for this final, final track. gone. it was all gone. he didn't write it anywhere else, he was never a fan of typing stuff. he needed the pen in his hand to feel the lyrics. although he was beginning to despise that trait of his.

'renjun leave,' taeyong finally spoke, startling renjun out of his silence.

'i'm so sorry taeyong i'm so so sorry i didn't mean to i-'

'get out, renjun. get jaehyun.'

'jaehyun's not h-,' renjun didn't get a chance to finish his sentence.

taeyong was trying very hard to control himself. he didn't want to hurt renjun, he didn't want to hurt any of them, but he was very quickly losing the will to remain calm. he was going to have to start over with the entire track, and he didn't have the time to waste on that. he wanted to finish it that night, maybe get the next day to rest, but that was certainly just a wish now. he'd probably need a new keyboard too-FUCK.

he stood up so fast his chair nearly tipped behind him. he picked up the keyboard on his desk delicately, tilted it to the right, and watched as tea dripped out of the plug, splattering on his desk. he set the keyboard back down, took a deep, deep breath, and turned slowly to renjun, who was still standing frozen by the door.

'renjun,' taeyong spoke, eerily controlled, 'leave before i do something i regret.'

renjun opened his mouth to respond, but before he spoke, changed his mind and spun around, embarrassed and upset. he twisted the handle and left the room, holding the handle behind him so it closed softly. as soon as the latch clicked, renjun exhaled heavily and nearly collapsed against the opposite wall. he felt awful, his hyung had only been trying to finish his work, even after having a long day of meetings. renjun had been messing around the dorms all day, and what did he do when taeyong got home? only caused him more stress. he could feel the hot tears hitting his shirt, finally allowing them to fall now that he was outside. his stomach was twisted, guilt and embarrassment burning in his veins, he couldn't imagine how far he'd just set taeyong back in his work. what if he didn't sleep tonight? and they had a schedule tomorrow... renjun couldn't walk away and leave him with the mess. he stood straight again, sniffling and wiping the tears quickly off his cheeks, before working up the nerve to knock again on taeyong's door. the least he could do was offer to help clean up the tea he had brought. but just as he was reaching for the door, a loud crash startled him away.

now the studio door was pretty soundproof, taeyong was often working into the early hours of the morning, and he wasn't the biggest fan of headphones, but his members never complained about being disturbed. they rarely heard him, sometimes they would even joke about whether or not he was even working. what they did hear was usually just loud bass, sometimes a bit of mumbling if he was practicing rapping, nothing more. this was not a usual sound.

it wasn't an instrument or a voice, it sounded like something being thrown, something heavy. it had radiated through the walls and floor, shaking the entire dorm. and before renjun could even question what had caused the noise, it happened again. a loud crash, this time a muffled scream followed, and more faint rustling. renjun didn't dare open the door, instead he went sprinting around the corner and back into the living room, looking for any of his hyungs but finding none. he remembered taeyong asking for jaehyun but he hadn't seen him since that morning, and he didn't know when he'd be back. but he knew who would.

'TAEIL!!!' renjun ran down the hall of bedrooms to the second to last door, knocking a few times before opting to just fling open the door, out of breath. taeil was sitting on his bed with a novel in his hands, and doyoung was splayed out opposite him, appearing to have been sleeping before renjun had startled them. they both looked at him with confusion.

'what's up renjun?' taeil asked, setting down his book and sitting up a bit. doyoung looked ready to chastise him for being so loud before he saw the complete look of distress on his face, concern suddenly filling his mind.

'it's taeyong. i... i think he's not okay,' renjun was still catching his breath, 'i went in to his office to give him the cup of tea like you said and i, uh, i spilled it.'

taeil's face sunk, as if he already knew where renjun's story was heading, and it only hurt renjun more. he could feel his eyes welling up again, but he choked them back, he needed to help his hyung first.

'i knocked it over on accident and it got all over his papers and i think it's all ruined and i really didn't mean to my sweater just hit it and i tried to pick it up but i kinda burned my hand and it really hurt but i know that doesn't matter he just didn't say anything he sat there and stared at it and told me to leave before he did something he'd regret so i left but after i left i stood outside because i felt so guilty and i was going to go back and help clean up but then he threw something at the wall and then something else and i think he's really not okay.'

by the time he'd finished explaining, the tears were flowing freely and he could feel his shoulders shuddering. his heartbeat wouldn't calm down and his chest felt tight, and the look on his hyungs' faces wasn't helping. doyoung looked so sympathetic, his lips frowning slightly and his eyebrows furrowed, he always had a soft spot for the kids, but he knew this was more than just renjun being clumsy. taeil just looked sad, so sad, so incredibly sad that renjun almost couldn't look at him. taeil knew taeyong possibly the best out of all of the boys, and he was good at that stuff, knowing things without anyone telling him. renjun knew there was more going on than he knew, but it wasn't the time to ask questions.

'he told me to get jaehyun, but i know he's not here,' renjun finished, not meeting either of their glances, 'what... what should we do?'

taeil and doyoung exchanged wordless glances, a conversation ghosting between their eyes, and renjun just waited. his sleeves were still damp with tea, the dull ache in his burned palm and wrist was growing stronger and stronger, and he cradled his throbbing hand into his chest.

with a heavy sigh, taeil suddenly pushed off the bed, doyoung following behind him. taeil looked at renjun for a moment, the emotion unreadable in his eyes, and rubbed his hand on renjun's arm as a token of comfort. without a word, he passed by renjun and rushed out into the hallway. doyoung, however, tugged renjun into his arms, cradling the shuddering boy into his chest.

'i know you didn't mean any harm, injunnie, and so does taeyong,' doyoung spoke into his hair, offering any kind of support he could, 'he's just been having a bit of a rough week.'

'it's been longer than a week, hyung,' renjun mumbled.

'you don't need to worry about him, alright?' doyoung gave him a final squeeze before stepping back and wiping his cheeks, 'we all just need to be a bit more.. cautious, okay?'

renjun nodded, keeping his head down, and doyoung placed a soft kiss to the top of his head before pulling his chin up.

'don't feel too guilty, he knows you were trying to help out,' doyoung offered, 'now go find jaemin and jeno and turn on a movie in here, they'll give you cuddles. actually, take all the kids with you, have a little slumber party. you can even have mine and taeil's big beds.'

renjun couldn't help but grin at the mention of a slumber party on his and taeil's big double beds. all seven of them could easily fit on one, since they liked to cuddle anyways, but he knew jisung and mark would like the space.

doyoung smiled as he saw the younger perk up a bit. ruffling his hair, he pushed him playfully towards the door and watched as he ran off the find the other kids. as he was leaving the room, he heard chenle squeal and come sprinting around the corner, spinning past doyoung and flinging himself onto doyoung's bed, the others following behind.

'don't make too much of a mess! and no eating on my bed!' doyoung called out, hearing a chorus of 'we won't!' echoing from the doorway. as he was turning to sort out the current problem at hand, he passed mark on his way to the sleepover. he didn't seem as excited as the other boys.

'taeyong is yelling at taeil in his studio,' mark whispered to doyoung, 'and i think he threw something against the wall.

doyoung frowned, 'keep the kids in my room, i'd rather they not have to deal with that. renjun is quite shaken, i know you don't love cuddles but if anyone deserves it tonight, it's him.'

mark chuckled softly, giving doyoung a small smile, 'don't worry about him, hyung, he'll get lots of cuddles, if not from me then from jaem.'

'thanks markie, goodnight,' doyoung rubbed his shoulder, 'and don't worry, taeyong will be fine.'

'i hope so,' mark muttered.

'come on mark! we wanna start the movie!' hyuck called now, 'i saved you the good spot, right next to me!'

scattered giggles rose from the cracked doorway, and mark gave doyoung one last look before he shook his head with a smile, ducking in and closing the door behind him.

after doyoung knew the kids were shut away for the night in the farthest room down the hall, he could face the larger problem at hand. jaehyun wouldn't be home until late that night, although he wasn't sure what time it was, and he could only hope it was soon.

as he approached the studio doorway, he could already hear muffled voices escaping. with one last deep breath, he pushed the door open, his mouth dropping at the sight he was met with.

taeil was kneeled on the ground, surrounded by ripped up papers strewn across the floor. markers and pens were scattered everywhere, and he could see the drying tea stain on the now empty table surface, everything previously on it had been shoved off onto the floor. pieces of a shattered tea mug were lodged in the wall, the rest on the floor. doyoung identified taeyong's keyboard, the one his mother had given him when they first debuted, laying in the corner underneath another indent in the wall, clearly unusable now.

taeyong was cowered against the wall, head buried in his arms and bent legs, shaking his head aggressively. taeil was talking to him, repeating something and trying to soothe him, but taeyong was clearly not having it. taeil grabbed his arm to get his attention, and taeyong shook him off with a screech.

'don't touch me taeil, just GO,' taeyong looked up finally, his face was red and puffy with tears, repeating over and over, 'go, just go, please.'

he backed away farther from taeil, who sat back on his heels with a defeated sigh. doyoung didn't know what to do.

taeil turned around to look up at doyoung, revealing his own teary eyes. taeil never cried. he looked utterly defeated.

'taeyong what can i do,' doyoung whispered, 'i only want to help you, i won't come any closer but please just tell me what i can do.'

taeyong's head stopped shaking as he lifted it up to meet doyoung's gaze.

'you can't do anything,' he hissed, 'i cannot be helped.'

taeil's body visibly shuddered at the emptiness of taeyong's voice as he crumbled further onto the floor. his shoulders curled in on themselves as he suddenly found it hard to breathe.

'i need to go home, i need to go home, i need to go home,' taeyong repeated over and over to himself, covering his head with his arms again and burying into his knees.

'taeyong you are home, you're at home in the dorms with all of us,' doyoung didn't understand.

'no i need to go home, i have to go, i have to go home.'

'taeyong you cannot just shut down like this,' taeil spoke over him as he struggled to control his own breathing, 'you have to let us help you, we can clean this up, we can help you write songs and create melodies. mark is good at lyrics and johnny and i know the instruments pretty well. we can all learn, you don't need to do this all yourself.'

'taeil it's not ABOUT THAT,' taeyong suddenly sat up, breathing rapidly, and taeil once again visibly shook.

'then what is it about, taeyong,' doyoung asked calmly, still standing by the door.

'i can't do this anymore. i can't sleep at night, i don't feel like eating, i sit in meetings all day and fight with the managers and then i come home and sit at this stupid desk all night. the longer i focus the more the tracks blend together, i can't get sounds right anymore, everything sounds the same and none of it sounds RIGHT!'

'there's ways to fix this taeyong we just have to-'

'i'm not meant for this. i can't lead this team. i can't even take care of myself, how can i possibly watch over all of you,' taeyong's body quivered as his voice shrunk to a whisper, another wave of sobs washing over him.

doyoung wanted to hold him, to comfort him and tell him it would all be alright. he knew this was just a cracking point, he was under a lot of stress, the ruined notes were just the final push. taeyong was the best leader they could have ever asked for, and he knew taeyong didn't take the title lightly, but it was weighing on him more than it should.

'taeyong, you are not responsible for all of us. the kids know to look both ways before crossing the street and to not put aluminum in the microwave and to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night. they are fine, if you took a break i promise you everyone would be fine. but they wouldn't be fine if you just decided to leave. the kids look up to you, everyone looks up to you, taeyong. that should be a comfort, not a stress. we are always on your side, you keep us together. there would be no 'us' without you.'

taeyong sat silently as doyoung spoke, not acknowledging it but not blocking him out either. he stared at the wall, his eyes grey, colourless, emotionless. the occasional shiver was the only sign of his consciousness.

taeil turned back around to doyoung and mouthed 'what do we do', to which doyoung had no answer. he needed jaehyun to get back immediately, he had no idea what time it was but it must be late.

a singular tear had run town taeil's cheek when doyoung was speaking, and he hadn't bothered to wipe it away. taeyong had noticed, of course he had, but his mind was too numb to even care. but a thread, a small pull from somewhere in his heart had been tweaked, and he remembered for a second that he was the reason taeil was crying. it was his fault. perhaps taeil felt guilty for not figuring it out sooner, or simply because he couldn't stand to see any of the members in pain. either way, taeyong felt guilty.

but in truth, taeil had known this was coming. he could see the stress slowly wearing away at taeyong, could see the way he looked a little less brighter each morning, went to bed a little later each night, and ate a little less at each meal. he knew there was going to be a point it all became too much, but he had just hoped it wouldn't come this soon.

taeyong had calmed down by then, just sitting and staring at the wall, so doyoung took it upon himself to start cleaning up the studio. he picked up the pens and markers, wiped down the desk and floor, and sweeped the shattered mug into a dustpan. taeil just sat in front of taeyong, sometimes mumbling words of comfort to him, but mostly just watched in silence as his leader crumbled before his very eyes.

doyoung was trying to decipher some of the now dried notes and papers in the kitchen when he heard the front door unlock. his head shot up as he watched the brunette boy enter and shake off his jacket to hang up by the door. when he saw doyoung, he smiled warmly.

'hey doyoung, i bought food for everyone since i figured no one else was cooking,' jaehyun chuckled as he set a bag of chinese takeout on their dining table, the groups' favourite.

when doyoung didn't answer, jaehyun's smile was replaced with confusion.

'what's up doyoungie?' jaehyun asked with an eyebrow raised, 'something happen?'

doyoung walked over to him so he could speak softly, 'taeyong had a... well he's had a rough night.'

jaehyun's face paled, 'what happened? is he alright? where is he?' he spun around without an answer and started pacing towards their shared room, but doyoung grabbed his arm before he could make it far.

'he terrified renjun, nearly destroyed the studio, and now he's just sitting on the floor and won't respond to anyone. taeil is still in there with him, but he's been asking for you all evening.'

jaehyun's features softened as he thought about the evening he had spent getting dinner with some of his friends, having fun, and taking his time getting home. he had been strolling through the city, enjoying his night, while taeyong had been home, falling apart. the guilt was twisting his stomach into knots.

'i'll go now,' jaehyun whispered, and doyoung rubbed his arm in support.

'he listens to you, jae. you'll have more luck then we did.'

jaehyun nodded as he turned around to walk towards the studio door. just as he was about to turn the handle, he froze, and instead walked past the doorway and continued to his room. he grabbed his favourite cologne off the dresser, knowing how much taeyong loved it, and sprayed it once on his chest. not to overdo it, but to have the slightest hint of cedar, jasmine, and lavender. perhaps the flora could do more for taeyong than he himself could.

leaving his room, he walked back to the studio door and placed his hand on the handle. taking a deep breath and running his hand through his hair, he pushed softly, squeezing past the door and closing it softly behind him.

'doyoung just stop, leave it be it's not going to...' taeyong started when he heard the door open again, assuming it was doyoung coming back in to keep cleaning silently. but before he could finish, he caught a whiff of something familiar.

'hey taeyongie,' jaehyun spoke softly, causing both taeyong and taeil to snap their heads upward, and taeyong inhaled harshly.

he didn't know what else to say besides, 'jae.' the emotion was thick in taeyong's voice, already choking on tears and the utter frustration at being so useless.

jaehyun kneeled down in front of taeyong's small figure, grabbing one of his hands to fumble with his fingers. they felt like ice in jaehyun's warm ones.

'can you tell me what happened, my love,' jaehyun asked him, trying to catch his gaze but taeyong was avoiding it, the smell of lavender was overwhelming all of his senses.

'i.. i don't know,' taeyong answered finally, 'i got mad at renjun, i didn't mean to, but i just couldn't pretend like everything was okay anymore.'

'he knows you didn't mean to, don't worry about him,' jaehyun assured him, his hands still wrapped around taeyong's, 'but what really happened taeyong?'

'my notes are ruined, i can't finish the last song, i've lost the touch, i can't manage it anymore, i can't do it,' taeyong pulled his hands out of jaehyun's and crossed his arms tightly across his chest, closing in on himself.

jaehyun could see the metaphorical wall he was building, and he needed to stop it immediately.

'taeyong look at me, look me in the eyes.'

taeyong's gaze bounced around the room before hesitantly landing on jaehyun. his stable, hazelnut eyes were bright and warm, and the familiar smell of lavender was filling every bit of his head with a strange sense of comfort, of home.

'i promise you, taeyong, that you'll be alright,' jaehyun spoke smoothly, but with authority, 'this is just a rough day, a rough week, a rough month even, i know you've been under a lot of stress. i wish you would never pretend like you're okay, if you're not then we need to know so we can help you.'

taeyong dipped his head in shame, he knew he wasn't handling everything right, but he didn't want to face jaehyun about it. he knew jaehyun was always right, always had the right words to make things seem simpler than they were.

'no taeyong look at me, keep looking at me,' jaehyun tipped his chin back up to keep their gazes locked, it was the only chance he had at getting through to him.

'i know i messed up, jae, but i can't fix this. i don't even know where to start,' taeyong could feel his eyes getting teary again, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in his little ball and not look out again, but he couldn't.

'for starters, you can go tell renjun you're not mad, i think you'd feel better after that,' jaehyun offered, and taeyong knew he was right.

he felt awful about snapping at renjun, he knew it wasn't his fault, but renjun didn't.

'then, we can help doyoung clean up this studio, i'm glad it helped release some emotions but to get back in order we'll need to get that done,' jaehyun waved around the trashed studio.

taeyong glanced around in embarrassment, seeing the mess he'd made, his keyboard on the floor, broken. his eyes also landed on taeil, still sitting on the floor in the middle of the room. taeil's usually sparkling eyes were tired and dull, but he smiled faintly when their eyes met.

'...thanks taeil. for sitting with me, i mean. i'm sorry i caused such a scene,' taeyong muttered but taeil only smiled more.

'don't worry about it, taeyongie, you're more important than my 8 hours of sleep,' taeil said and taeyong smiled, feeling his chest start to open up and his stomach untighten.

'is it really late? are the kids in bed? oh god did they hear anything? they'll think i'm-,' taeyong's brain was back in leader-mode, worried he had frightened the youngers.

'it's pretty late, but doyoung sent all the kids to watch a movie in our room this evening. they're probably all asleep by now, they didn't hear anything. but i'm sure renjun told them his side of the story,' taeil answered, 'if anything, they'll be extra good tomorrow. which is a blessing for everyone.'

jaehyun chuckled and taeyong smiled at him, he didn't get how his friends could somehow make positives out of such an awful night.

'i suppose i'll talk to him in the morning,' taeyong said, mostly to himself, and jaehyun nodded.

'he'll be alright, taeyong, he feels more guilty than anything,' taeil assured him, 'you feeling better will be comfort enough for him.'

taeyong only nodded, trying to tell himself he would feel better tomorrow. he would.

jaehyun pushed himself to his feet and reached for taeyong's hands, pulling him up with him. his legs ached as he stood on them after sitting, curled on the floor for hours.

'we can clean the rest of this up tomorrow, let's just go to bed,' jaehyun tugged him towards the door.

'goodnight taeil,' taeyong said as they left the studio, releasing jaehyun's hand so he could hug the older boy. taeil was surprised but warmly accepted, resting his chin on taeyong's shoulder.

'night taeyongie, sleep well,' taeil smiled and rubbed his back before heading to jaemin and jeno's room, where doyoung and him would sleep when the kids had their room.

taeyong followed jaehyun to their own room, both of them changing clothes and brushing their teeth silently. taeyong could feel jaehyun's gaze whenever he wasn't looking, but it only gave him comfort.

as they crawled into jaehyun's bed, they shared the one bed more often than not, taeyong could smell the lavender, floral scent more strongly than ever.

'did you wear the cologne i like today?' taeyong asked into jaehyun's shoulder, where he was pulled tightly between his arm and chest.

'i sprayed a bit when i got home, i know you like it,' jaehyun answered with a yawn, turning over to press his nose into the top of taeyong's head.

'when you walked into the studio, it was like a wave of peace hit me. it was all i could smell, but it opened my head, i could think more clearly and i felt calmer. of course i needed you, but before you even said anything, your presence helped.'

jaehyun's eyes were drowsy, but he smiled warmly, kissing taeyong's hair, 'i'm glad it did. it's lavender, you know. someday, when we have a holiday, i'll take you to the lavender fields in the spring. they grow it all over when i grew up. i think that's why i like it so much too, it smells like home.'

and with that, jaehyun drifted off to sleep. taeyong laid awake for a bit, reveling in the peace he felt with jaehyun by his side, and lavender in his nose.

because it smelled like home to him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally published in february 2019. all work is my own. 
> 
> my [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aurorahobi) :)


	5. all i want is you (mh)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :: in which mark picks up comic books better than he picks up feelings.

'is everyone here?' taeyong called out over the noise of screaming fans, 'jungwoo? where's jungwoo??'

'here hyung!' jungwoo's blonde head popped out of the crowd of boys as he stood on his tippy toes with a grin.

taeyong sighed with relief, counting heads again and counting 10 including himself.

'okay guys, we're gonna kill this show. everyone is ready, i know it's been a while since we performed last but i know you can all do well. just remember your spots, don't get too close to the edge of the stage, and really show our fans energy!'

at taeyong's last words, the boys erupted in cheers and began bouncing around, ready to get on stage and perform for their fans.

'last call! you have one minute NCT!' the stage manager announced as the group performing currently was reaching the end of their song.

taeyong nodded to him and turned back to his group, 'okay hands in everyone.'

10 hands extended to the middle of their circle, the silver rings and bracelets adorning their fingers and wrists clinking together in the pile.

'work hard boys, we've been preparing for this. 1, 2, 3 NCT!'

'NCT!' the boys chanted after taeyong as they threw their hands in the air, rushing to their spots by the side of the stage right away.

getting their ear pieces situated and adjusting their clothes, they watched as the lights dimmed, the other group exiting the stage to the right. the stage director gave them the signal and they ran out on stage to find their places.

the screams and cheers of their fans were louder than hyuck remembered, he looked out over them in awe as the mc's announced the next group, NCT127. they were starting with simon says, and the choreo was tiring, but he felt energized from the fans.

the lights suddenly shone down on them as the music started and they started their first of three songs. they had missed the thrill of the stage, each and every boy performing with unlimited enthusiasm, shooting secret finger hearts and winks into the audience as often as they could.

before they knew it, the second song was coming to an end, and they found their spots for the final track. the managers had chosen to add firetruck to the set list, even though it would be another strenuous choreo and they usually chose slower songs for the end. they were struggling to catch their breath, but as the music started and the shocked faces of the fans lit up, they all knew they had the energy to perform well.

firetruck was a choreo hyuck knew well, after all, they had been performing it the longest, but less than a minute into the song he noticed his ear piece was skipping and he couldn't hear the song very well. pushing away nerves, he tried to focus on following the choreo he knew by heart, singing to the beat of the moves. but when he was stepping down from being lifted during his solo, he was so focused on matching his voice to the muffled music in his ear that his feet stumbled.

in the center of stage, right after finishing his lines, his knees and elbows hit the ground hard, his head nearly slamming into the stage. his useless earpiece had been shaken from his ear, and he could hear the gasps of the fans echo around the building. he froze for a second, stunned, taking in what had just happened. everything went quiet, his heart beat drowning out his surroundings, and his legs shook underneath him.

'i just tripped. i fell. on stage. i'm sitting on the stage. in the middle of a song,' hyuck's brain was running a million miles an hour, but in the split second it took him to realize the music was still going, they were still performing, and everyone was staring at him, he pushed himself up and rushed to his spot, ignoring the ache in his knees.

he had only been down for a few seconds, but the rest of the song was ruined. hyuck's earpiece still didn't work, and he made small mistakes in timing and position twice more. things the audience wouldn't notice, but he did. and he knew the boys did.

when the song finally ended, they bowed to the audience and taeyong spoke quickly, but hyuck didn't hear any of it, focusing on willing away the tightening feeling in his throat and stomach. he kept his eyes on the floor, afraid that if he looked out at the audience, the tears would start spilling out. from shame, embarrassment, and pain.

'bye guys!! thank you!!' the boys echo and wave for the last time as they walk off the stage. out of sight of the fans, they immediately collapse into chairs and benches, rushed to by staff with fans and water bottles. hyuck ignored the pain in his knees as he walked as normally as possible to a seat in the corner of the dressing room. he sat and watched the rest of his members catch their breath and cool down. he wanted water, but he would take a dry mouth over facing his leader and hyungs after the show he'd just performed.

at that very moment, hyuck watched with big eyes as taeyong got up from his seat, motioning to some of their managers, and started walking in his direction. his face was unreadable, but from anger or exhaustion, hyuck didn't know. before taeyong could reach him, hyuck pushed himself up from his seat.

'i'm sorry taeyong, i know i ruined the performance, i tried so hard to keep in time but i couldn't-'

'donghyuck,' taeyong interrupted him, putting a hand on his shoulder, 'i'm not mad at you.'

'i'm mad at myself. i messed everything up. it was our first show in ages and i embarrassed us,' hyuck's throat was still tight but the urge to cry was gone, and he was left with a dull, heavy ache in his heart.

the adrenaline of the show was leaving his body, replaced with fatigue and pain. he stared at the ground as his knees began to hurt more and more, flames licking up his legs, wanting nothing but to sit down and ice his knees.

taeyong noticed his averted gaze and took hyuck's face in his hands, forcing him to make eye contact. the exhaustion and shame clear in his eyes almost made taeyong cry himself.

'you have nothing to be sorry about. mistakes happen, hyuck. you're out of practice, that's all. we'll do better next time,' taeyong spoke smoothly to him, before gesturing to the managers, 'check his knees to make sure nothing is hurt. get some ice and wraps.'

the managers nodded, one leaving to get ice as the other kneeled down to roll up hyuck's pant leg. he sat down with a hiss as his tight pants pinched his knee even more, almost swatting away the manager's hand in reflex. she looked up in concern.

'sorry,' he muttered, 'it's fine, i just need to rest tonight.'

'it doesn't look fine, hyuckie,' jaehyun spoke up from his spot across the room from them. he was watching the manager pull up the pant leg, revealing an already bruising, bloody knee cap.

the other manager came back with ice as the one kneeling gently pulled up the other pant leg. the two were decorated in identical, purpling bruises. even hyuck was surprised by the sight. taeyong grimaced and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

'i don't think you've fractured anything, but it's terribly bruised, as you can see,' the manager reported, 'you'll need more than a night of rest.'

'it's alright hyuck,' jaehyun comforted him, noticing the shame washing over his face once again, 'we all make mistakes sometimes. it's part of an idol's life. the first one is always the hardest, right guys?'

'yeah,' johnny spoke up, 'your first fall sucks, but don't take it too hard hyuckie. you only tripped up for a second, nothing too bad.'

'i remember my first fall,' yuta walked over to hyuck and ruffled his hair, 'it was a lot worse than yours. i faceplanted after tripping over my own feet running on stage.'

the boys giggled at the memory, talking about how loud he screamed when he fell. sicheng, getting up and mocking the japanese boy, flailed his arms and screeched as he dramatically rolled onto the dressing room floor. yuta laughed and threw a hairbrush at him from the table with his free hand, one still rubbing hyuck's neck and shoulder.

hyuck smiled at sicheng's re-enactment, but avoided the rest of their gazes as he watched the manager wrap his leg in ice intently. he did, however, sneak a glance over at the blonde boy sitting in the other corner of the room.

mark was sat on his phone, paying no attention to the scene playing out in front of him, deeply engrossed in whatever he was reading.

taeil, who was squeezed in with doyoung and jungwoo on the only couch in the room, noticed his glance. he looked over to mark, and back at hyuck, who had already looked away and back to the ice wrapped around his leg.

'yeah mark, when was your first fall?' taeil called to him, drawing his attention away from whatever was on his phone screen.

mark gave him a confused look, but taeil just held his straight gaze and mark got the message.

'wh- oh, well uh, i think it was at a music bank or something. my mic fell out of pocket and i tripped on it,' mark's cheeks flushed slightly pink at just the memory, and the rest of the boys chuckled.

'rookie mistake, markie,' doyoung laughed, 'everyone loses their mic at some point in their first year.'

taeil gave him a warm smile and mark acknowledged him before turning back to his phone. hyuck, however, only felt worse as they each confessed their mistakes and falls. he couldn't forget the sounds of the audience gasping as they watched him hit the ground. he hoped he never have to see the video, but knowing taeyong, they'd likely watch it at the next practice to improve.

'okay boys, the cars are waiting outside,' the manager popped her head back in the room to inform them and waited as they grabbed their phones, coats, and any extra things.

hyuck stood up to get his phone but stumbled, his knees more painful than when he sat down, and he grabbed onto the chair for support. he kept his lips sealed shut, swallowing the whimper of pain and clenched his teeth. he took slow, soft steps towards his phone before turning around to move toward the doorway.

taeil followed the boys out before turning and checking for hyuck. he watched him almost stumble after getting up and the pain flash across his face. he caught johnny's hand, who was leaving in front of him, and pulled him back, nodding to hyuck.

'need some help, hyuck?' johnny called as he walked back over to where hyuck was pocketing his phone and airpods.

hyuck was about to shake his head, but johnny was already holding out his arm as a grip, and hyuck placed a hand on his forearm. taeil made his way over to his other side, and together they got the limping boy out to the car. taeyong was waiting outside, watching silently as they helped him into the back seats before getting in after him. he tried to meet hyuck's eyes, but the younger kept his head down the entire way. he sighed before getting into the passenger seat and telling the driver they could leave.

———

as the car pulled up and let them out in front of their dorm building, jungwoo and doyoung took over helping hyuck out of the car and into the elevator. they couldn't all fit at once, so jungwoo, doyoung, hyuck, sicheng, and yuta went up first.

as they waited for the elevator, taeil turned to mark, who still stood, eyes glued to his phone. he glanced at jaehyun, who had also noticed mark's behavior, and jaehyun met his gaze in agreement.

'hey markie, what have you been doing all evening?' taeil asked curiously.

mark looked up after a second, 'it's just a comic,' he answered without another glance.

'do you remember when you fell for the first time?' taeil asked him again, trying to keep his attention.

mark looked at him again with confusion, 'of course i do, why are you bringing it up again? you know how embarrassed i was for days.'

'then can you imagine how hyuck is feeling right now?' jaehyun asked him. johnny and taeyong, who were discussing hyuck's injury already, fell silent.

mark looked at jaehyun with a frown, 'of.. of course i can. messing up on stage is hard, you all know it too. what are you getting at?'

'i'm not getting at anything, i just want you to think about how hyuck is feeling, and maybe what you can do to make him feel a little better. you know how he looks to you for comfort. more than he does any of us.'

mark met jaehyun's gaze, understanding him, and sighed, 'i know he's beating himself  
up about it. but he knows i'm here for him.'

with that, the elevator dinged and an empty platform opened. mark made his way over to it, followed by johnny and taeyong.

taeil turned to jaehyun as they walked to the enter the elevator, whispering in his ear, 'i'm not so sure he does.'

jaehyun only nodded as the door closed behind them and they jolted up towards the dorm floor. 

'let's watch a movie!' jaehyun hollered as he threw open the door to their already-full dorm. the kids were sitting around the living room, joined by yuta and sicheng. they usually slept over on the weekends since they all had free evenings. doyoung and jungwoo had already retired to their rooms, but they returned at the mention of a movie.

'i'm down,' said jeno, the youngers nodding along with him, throwing out suggestions.

hyuck tried to squeeze his way from behind taeil to head to his room, but stopped when his name was called.

'hyuck, what happened to your knees?' chenle had asked, drawing the attention of all of the dreamies.

'oh i uh, i just tripped,' hyuck answered, not meeting any of their gazes, 'i'm just going to go and clean up in my room.'

he left without hearing their response and hurriedly limped towards his door, shared with jaehyun. he successfully closed the door behind him before the first tear fell down his cheek. he sat on his bed with a groan, wondering how he could survive an entire movie without crying. he knew they would be extra cuddly, which he would love normally, but tonight he just wanted to go to sleep and forget the day.

hyuck was right, as soon as they had settled and picked a movie, he had boys closely packed on all sides. he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch so he could stretch his legs flat. jaemin and jungwoo were on either side of him, a blanket spread across all three bodies, and doyoung was sitting behind him on the couch. jungwoo's head was resting on his shoulder, jaemin hugged his arm like a stuffed animal, and doyoung would occasionally reach down and thread his hands comfortingly into his hair. he felt very loved and safe, but he couldn't keep his eyes off the boy sitting in the beanbag, his phone still in his hands.

'markie, turn your phone off and watch the movie with us,' taeyong whined in a cutesy voice, making some of the dreamies giggle as mark looked up with a quick 'sorry'.

after a few more minutes, hyuck starting to grow hot under the blankets and bodies, mark got up from his spot.

'i'm just tired, i'm gonna go to bed early,' he explained when taeil asked where he was going.

as he left the room, the boys calling goodnight after him, taeil watched hyuck's eyes follow mark until he was out of sight. he knew he wouldn't last long either. jaehyun, sitting beside him, knew it too, and they shared a look before turning back to the movie.

'ask taeyong to sleep in your room tonight, i'm sure hyuck will go there,' taeil muttered.

'already done, i talked to him when hyuck was in our room,' jaehyun whispered back.

taeil patted his arm in affection, since it was too dark for him to see the smile on his face, 'well done, jae. you're a good hyung.'

'you too, taeil.'

not 5 minutes later, hyuck had grown restless, the movie no longer keeping his attention. he gently lifted jungwoo's sleeping head off of his shoulder, and nudged jaemin to move over. it was a struggle, but he successfully got himself onto 2 feet and retucked jungwoo and jaemin into the blanket. doyoung looked at him with his big doe eyes and hyuck almost wanted to sit back down with him, but he just smiled and mouthed goodnight. yuta and johnny has also fallen asleep, so he whispered goodnight to the rest of the room before making his way, slowly, to the hallway of bedroom doors.

he hesitated at his own door, holding his hand over the handle. he knew mark wouldn't want to be bothered, but something was telling him to go, just go there, go. so he did, step by aching step, he reached the end of the hall, where taeyong and mark's room was.

he knocked once, 'mark?'

twice. no answer.

he knew mark wasn't asleep. he twisted the handle softly to peek his head in. the light was still on. mark was leaning against the wall on his bed, his phone still in his hands.

hyuck almost laughed, 'that phone hasn't left your hands since we got off stage.'

mark looked up, surprised, 'oh, hi hyuck. i didn't hear you.'

'what are you reading?'

'the new chapter of my favorite comic, it's long because it's the last one, and it's so good i can't stop reading.'

'you didn't say anything to me all evening.'

mark looked up at that, meeting hyuck's now watery eyes. he set his phone down almost immediately, watching as hyuck closed the door and slid down against it. his head fell again, whimpering as he tried to pull his legs to him but the pain in his knees held him back.

'don't cry hyuckie, it's okay,' mark sighed as he crawled off the bed to kneel in front of hyuck's body.

'i messed up so badly. my ear piece was broken and i couldn't hear the music and i tried so hard to stay in time but i couldn't keep up. i was so focused on getting my part right that i tripped right in the center of the stage,' hyuck trembled as he spoke, suddenly missing the blanket and the warmth of jaemin and jungwoo.

mark listened fully, silently, and his heart ached for hyuck.

'it's not your fault your ear piece wasn't working. no one can perform without that, regardless how talented you are. just forget about it hyuck,' he stroked his leg comfortingly, but the boy only shivered and cried more.

'taeyong was being nice today, but he's going to be mad tomorrow. the managers will be mad, the trainers, what if they call me in to talk to the boss? what do i do then? i can't blame it on the earpiece, they'll get even madder.'

hyuck was talking himself further and further into an endless cycle of worry, and he wasn't listening to anyone. the shivers got worse, the tears fell like rain, until he could barely speak. mark let him talk without interrupting him, just offering him company, but he knew he needed to do something.

in the middle of confessing that he'd been thinking of what he could do if he got kicked out of the group, mark grabbed hyuck's chin in his hands. hyuck stopped talking, watching mark's movements as he pulled his face to meet his in a sweet but hard kiss. he held him there for a few seconds before pulling back and releasing hyuck's chin. hyuck sat, quiet, as mark sat back on his heels.

'are you done now?' mark asked him softly.

hyuck slowly nodded in response, his eyelids growing heavy, 'sorry, i mean thank you, i mean,,'

'i know what you mean, hyuckie,' mark smiled softly. his smile gave hyuck the most peace of mind he had felt all night.

as slender as mark was, he was still able to scoop hyuck's trembling form up and carry him the meter or so to his bed, placing him softly down. hyuck curled in on himself, still trying to express his gratitude in jumbled, drowsy sentences. mark was attempting to get the covers out from under hyuck and over him, but hyuck wasn't budging, so he gave up and laid down.

they laid awkwardly next to each other for a few moments, both unsure if the other would make the first move. eventually, mark was afraid hyuck would fall asleep being stubborn, so he turned on his side and stretched his arm out across the pillow. hyuck immediately lifted his head up onto his arm and leaned into his embrace until he was tightly pressed against him, his head underneath mark's chin. mark slung his other arm over hyuck's back, using his foot to pull up the blanket laying at the foot of his bed and spread it over them.

'you did well today, hyuck. you behaved professionally, even though you were hurting you didn't let it impact the rest of your performance. you made it this far without a fall, that's an achievement in itself. my first was when i was still a rookie.'

mark played with the shorter strands of hair on his neck as he whispered why all of the things hyuck said earlier were not true, why he wasn't going to get fired, and why he was a good idol.

he could feel hyuck's breathing leveling out, feel his hands twisting themselves into mark's shirt, feel his head buried in his neck, his hair tickling mark's chin. he could feel his heart beating soundly, smoothly, in beat with his.

'goodnight, hyuckie,' he whispered finally, dropping his hand from his hair as to not disturb his sleep.

hyuck grumbled in response, and mark chuckled before placing his hand back where it was. hyuck sighed in content and snuggled even closer into the older boy.

'goodnight mark,' he mumbled into his shirt, 'thank you.'

'anything for you.'

hyuck smiled against his chest and fell asleep, wrapped in warmth, the pain in his body masked by the love in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally published march 2019. all work is my own.
> 
> my [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aurorahobi) :)


	6. ΩΑΠ (jy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :: in which taeyong attends a frat party that he really would've rather stayed home from. but somehow he ends up on a balcony with the hottest man he's ever seen. and suddenly, taeyong can't remember why he ever wanted to stay home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a college au! there's drinking and implied sex and semi? explicit scenes, but not really. just so you know what to expect :)) enjoy!

taeyong stared out the window as he and his friends drove by house after expensive, victorian house, nearing the source of the obnoxiously loud house music he could already hear, their destination for the night.

'damn, if their frat looks like these houses,' yuta said from behind him, 'this party is gonna be lit.'

ten and johnny just nodded their heads silently, staring as they turned onto a street lined with cars.

'i think we found it,' johnny spoke, in awe, as he parked along the curb of one of the biggest houses on the street, watching the people spill out of the front door and litter the front lawn.

'there's so many...,' taeyong started as he stepped out of the car, but didn't finish, shocked by the amount of students, and it was only 8pm.

'relax, tae, just enjoy the free alcohol and try to find a nice boy, okay?' johnny patted him on the back as they walked up the path to the front door.

taeyong could only nod at him as he took a deep breath and pushed through the crowds to get into the house. the stench of alcohol hit him like a cement wall, and he almost choked on a breath of air. he looked around at the, surprisingly large, living room and kitchen, taking in his surroundings. the music was loud and there were beer pong tables anywhere they could fit. everyone had plastic cups in their hands, and minimal amounts of clothing. he felt overdressed, tugging a bit at the neck of his hoodie.

ten took off almost immediately, winding through the people and towards the kitchen. taeyong looked back at yuta in confusion, 'where's he gone?'

yuta chuckled, 'in ten's words, he's 'on the hunt for a good fuck tonight', so i'm sure he's getting wasted as quickly as he can.'

taeyong laughed under his breath, shocked but not surprised by his friends choice of words, or his goal for the night. he followed closely behind johnny as he weaved his way towards the kitchen, appreciating the older boy and his tall figure.

when they reached the kitchen, taeyong scoured the countertops and fridge for anything but vodka or beer, coming up empty handed. he couldn't help the sour look that appeared on his face, checking again for any liquor that seemed remotely not disgusting.

'don't these boys have any taste in alcohol,' he muttered under his breath as he grabbed a bottle of lemonade from the fridge, meant as a mixer, and poured it into his cup. he took an open bottle of vodka and filled the rest of his cup, already dreading the taste, but he wasn't going to spend the night sober.

he was staring at the cup, willing himself to take the first sip and get it over with, when another girl walked into the kitchen. she reached around him to take the bottle of vodka and mix herself another drink. he had just taken a swig from his cup, and proceeded to almost spit it back into it, when she turned to smile at him.

'you know, they keep the good drinks in the cooler outside on the patio,' she said as he choked down the overwhelming amount of vodka in his mouth, 'you don't seem like the plastic cup type.'

he smiled awkwardly as he looked at the cup in his hands, 'yeah, i'm not the best at mixing. this tastes like radioactive waste.'

she laughed as she took the cup from him and took a sip, her face twisting up in distaste, 'is there any lemonade in this?!'

she poured the cup into the sink and poured about half the amount of vodka he had, 'i'm good at masking the alcohol. whether that's a good or bad trait, i'm not sure either.'

he chuckled as he watched her take some ice from the freezer and mix in the lemonade, even pulling a slice of lime from somewhere in the fridge to put on the side of the cup.

'and there you go, sir, a frat house special,' she giggled as she handed him the cup, 'don't drink it too fast, it's still a lot of vodka.'

he took the cup and tasted it, pleasantly surprised that he almost couldn't taste the bitterness, 'the lime was a nice touch.'

'a personal touch,' she pointed to the lime on her cup as well, 'i'm ryujin, by the way.'

'taeyong.'

they stood in silence for a few moments, sipping their drinks and leaning against the counter, watching the room full of people.

'so what brings you here?'

taeyong looked at his cup, 'my friends. they heard that alpha beta pi throw the best parties, which appears to be accurate.'

she smiled, 'yeah, the parties are good. my sorority girls always go, but i'm not the biggest fan of the boys here. you'll probably find one of them in each bedroom by the end of the night. i go home with half the girls i came here with.'

ryujin laughed lightly as she tipped her chin back to take another swig from her cup. taeyong mentally facepalmed himself for even considering the possibility of a not-straight frat boy living in this house.

'so, any pretty girls catch your interest yet?' ryujin asked, and taeyong wondered if sex was the only thing people talked about at parties.

'oh... no, not really,' he didn't have the heart to tell her he wasn't interested in girls in general.

'i'm sure you'll find someone,' she said to him with a shrug, 'but if you'll excuse me, i'm off to find some of my housemates. it was nice talking to you!'

'you too,' taeyong offered with a small wave as she walked towards the back door and out onto the patio. he retracted his hand almost immediately and let out a sigh.

he waited for a moment, wondering how long it would take if he tried to walk to his dorm, before shaking his head and standing up. it wasn't a bad party, he just needed to loosen up a bit. 

in search of his friends, taeyong wandered around the first floor of the house, peeking in rooms and random doorways. he did end up walking into, what appeared to be the laundry room, where he found ten sitting on the washing machine, legs and arms wrapped around a particularly bulky man who seemed to be devouring ten from the inside out. when the man released his mouth and began sucking on his neck and collarbone, ten saw him standing in the doorway. taeyong raised his eyebrows at him with a smile and ten winked back, before letting out a high-pitched whine as the man on his neck bit a sensitive area. it had only been an hour or so, he was impressed by his roommate's speed.

taeyong left ten to his playtoy and searched the rest of the rooms for his other friends. he was nearing the stairs to the basement when he heard a very distinct 'LETS GET ITTT' echo up the stairwell. with a sigh, taeyong made his way carefully down the dimly let stairs and into the basement. there was no mistaking that cry.

at the bottom, he saw 3 beer pong tables set up and crowds of people around each one. johnny, who gets exponentially louder as he drinks, was at the closest one, very focused on the last 2 cups remaining across the table. he aimed, fired, and made it in, proceeding to chest bump yuta and high five every person standing on his side of the table. taeyong just stood watching and grinning.

'oh hey bro!!!' yuta called to their friend when he spotted him by the stairs, hitting johnny on the arm so he'd turn and look.

'taeyongie!' johnny hollered as taeyong made his way over to the table, 'we destroyed them, look.'

he waved his hand over the 6 cups sitting on his side of the table, and then over to the 1 remaining on the other side. taeyong smiled and patted his arm.

'you wanna play next round?' johnny asked, getting an almost immediate head shake from the smaller boy.

'you know i'm not-'

'pleeeease taeyong, you gotta!' yuta chimed in, clasping his hands together and pouting his lips the way he knew taeyong couldn't refuse.

after a long pause, taeyong gave in, 'fine, but only one. you know i don't like this game.'

'if you played more you'd be better at it yongie!' yuta smiled sweetly and taeyong couldn't argue because he knew it was true.

taeyong ended up playing 2 rounds with johnny and yuta, missing way too many shots, and drinking way too much beer. he was starting to feel sick, the basement was stuffy and there were too many people down there with them. he waited until johnny scored another shot, cheering with everyone, to sneak back through the crowd and up the stairs.

he stumbled down the hall in the direction of the bathroom, which he unsurprisingly found locked. there were too many people blocking the way to the back patio, so he made the next best decision and went for the stairs to the second floor. there would surely be more, unlocked, bathrooms up there, and hopefully an open window so he could breathe fresh air.

gripping the railing for support, he dragged himself up the stairs and was met with a hallway of closed doors. he didn't want to walk in on anyone, so he walked down the hall looking for any open door. he had no luck with bathrooms, unfortunately, but what he did find was even better. a bedroom door was cracked open, and when taeyong peered inside, he found it completely empty. there was no bathroom attached, but he did spot a sliding glass door on the opposite wall.

he all but ran over to the door, flung it open and stepped out into the cool fresh air. breathing lungfuls of it, he immediately felt his heart rate slowing down and his vision clear a bit. he sat down on the tile balcony floor and relished in the calming of his body, even though the music was still loud and he could now see how far the party extended into the back lawn.

he sat, or more laid, on the balcony for quite some time, enough to watch the sunset properly and spot the first stars poking out in the sky. given it was about 9:30, the sun disappeared later as they neared the end of the spring semester. his back was cooled by the tile and he didn't mind the faint vibrating of the entire house to the beat of the songs playing.

taeyong almost felt himself getting drowsy when a sudden noise from somewhere near him startled him up. he looked around at the door and saw nothing, but then, moments later, he was no longer alone on the balcony.

a figure had stepped out of a door on the far end of the balcony, a door taeyong hadn't noticed before. it was only when the figure, who he guessed was a resident of the house, stopped to stare at him, that he realized how strange he looked sprawled out on the balcony floor.

'oh. hi?' the man said as taeyong scrambled into a standing position, the blood rushing to his head and cheeks combined with the alcohol made him very dizzy and he gripped the railing to remain standing.

as the black spots in his vision cleared away, he got a good look at the man standing across from him, dimly lit by the party lights in the lawn below them. he was, in simple terms, absolutely stunning, ridiculously hot, just plain gorgeous. taeyong wiped at his lips to make sure his mouth wasn't subconsciously watering. 

he was wearing very plain attire, some black, untorn jeans and boots with a white top tucked in, displaying his slim waist and hips. he was so effortlessly attractive that taeyong felt intimidated by his presence. he'd just been caught laying like a dead body on the floor, and on top of that he was embarrassingly trashed at 9pm. he looked down off the balcony, wondering if the 2 story fall would be enough to end his misery.

the man stared at him for a second before he walked over to a bench, another thing taeyong hadn't noticed, and took a seat. he watched off the balcony as the party ensued, his face smooth and unreadable.

'why aren't you down there?' he spoke suddenly, making taeyong jump slightly. his voice was low and deep, but very clear, cutting the heavy, awkward air between them.

taeyong cleared his voice to make sure it wasn't scratchy and said the only coherent response he could out together, 'why aren't you?'

his gaze left the crowd of people below as he looked taeyong in the eyes. he was glad the railing was there, because he was sure his knees would've caved otherwise under his weight with the intensity of his dark, amber eyes.

'i just steal drinks and stay out of the mess, beer pong and hookups with trashed sorority girls aren't really my thing,' he chuckled as he leans back in the chair, 'my name is jaehyun. i live here.'

taeyong wondered if the disinterest applied to just sorority girls, or girls in general. jaehyun noticed the curiosity painted blatantly on his glowing cheeks.

'i'm taeyong. and i don't,' he let out a laugh, embarrassed by how he still couldn't really see straight, 'but you probably already knew that.'

jaehyun cocked his head with a smile and nodded, and taeyong giggled before slapping his hand across his mouth. he was going to scare the hot boy off before he could even find out if he was gay.

his blurry vision made it hard to keep eye contact with jaehyun, but it wasn't like he really wanted to do that anyways. his stomach was in twists, from embarrassment and attraction. he felt his legs sway under him and he tightened his almost painful hold on the metal railing. he didn't want jaehyun to know he was beyond wasted.

'it's not even 10pm and you're already gone?'

well.

taeyong sighed, 'i didn't mean to, i got roped into playing beer pong even though my friends know i suck.'

'so your friends are dicks, that's what your saying?' jaehyun said bluntly, and taeyong scoffed.

jaehyun was hot, there was no denying that, and taeyong was definitely interested, but the alcohol in his veins made that statement much meaner than he knew jaehyun had intended it.

'that's not at all what i'm saying, they didn't force me to do anything. i just suck at it and that's my fault. don't call my friends dicks, asshole,' he silently thanked god that none of his words were slurred.

'so you're a pushover then?' he edged him on with another innocent head tilt.

'am not! i like playing it, it's just everyone here plays that stupid game all day every day, i'm doomed to lose,' taeyong huffed, focusing hard on keeping his voice clear.

'then why come? if all we do is play stupid games?' jaehyun's eyes glimmered with mischief, but taeyong was too frustrated to notice.

'i actu-'

jaehyun cut him off, 'let me guess, your friends dragged you here, yeah?'

the anger coursing through him was making him sober up, 'actually, i asked my friends to come. does that surprise you?'

jaehyun just looked at him, watching the smaller boy grow more infuriated at his nonchalant temper. they said nothing for a minute as taeyong caught his breath from his outburst.

'and for the record, the amount of condom boxes in your laundry room is ridiculous. you know they expire right?'

jaehyun laughed at that, but it felt condescending to taeyong, 'you underestimate how many girls line up out the door for some frat boy dick.'

taeyong's mouth almost dropped at his language, but he covered it up with a scoff. 

'beer pong and hook ups, every night, over and over, just like dumbass hamsters running in a wheel. you frat boys are entertained by anything,' he bristled.

jaehyun was silent for a moment, and taeyong, who had turned to look out over the back yard, wouldn't dare face him. the anger was leaving his body and he just felt mean now, regretting his last comment slightly.

he sighed heavily, 'look, jaehyun, i didn't mean-'

'you entertain me.'

taeyong turned slowly to look back at the taller man, who was still sitting down. he saw the humour glittering in his eyes and smile on his lips. taeyong felt his insides melt a little bit.

'not sure if i'm more complimented or insulted by that,' taeyong said finally, allowing himself a small smile. his head felt clearer and he could hold jaehyun's gaze confidently now.

'you seem pretty sobered up now,' jaehyun said, 'i did a good job pissing you off.'

taeyong furrowed his eyebrows in disbelief, 'you did that on purpose?'

'ye- i mean, no? i just didn't want you to be completely out of it, you know.'

'out of it how? i was fine,' taeyong defended himself, although even he knew he was lying a little. 

suddenly a gust of wind blew over them, and taeyong shivered in his short sleeve top. he had discarded his hoodie somewhere in the basement when he started overheating, but he was regretting it now.

'how long have we been out here?' taeyong asked as he fumbled for his phone.

'not sure, maybe a half hour?' jaehyun answered with a shrug, 'got somewhere to be?'

taeyong shook his head, reading the time on his phone. 10:44pm. it had been over an hour. the party was still raging downstairs, and taeyong groaned. he would have to find his friends sooner or later, but he dreaded going back to the basement.

'my friends are probably still downstairs playing beer pong,' he said to the other man, choosing not to mention his third friend who was probably getting his wish at that moment.

jaehyun nodded slowly, 'like dumbass hamsters huh? so easily entertained.'

immediately, taeyong lunged forward to slap jaehyun on the arm in retaliation, to which jaehyun laughed and shielded himself playfully. as soon as he did it though, taeyong felt dizzy from the sudden movement and collapsed on the bench next to him with a groan. he felt lightheaded from the alcohol, but more so from the rock-hard muscles he'd just felt on jaehyun's arm.

taeyong was slumped over now, leaning against the bench, holding his head and waiting for it to stop spinning. jaehyun stared at him for a moment before reaching over and rubbing his upper arm in comfort, still chuckling at the smaller man. taeyong's arm lit up with fireworks at his touch.

as soon as taeyong could see straight again, he resituated himself to sit up straight on the bench. jaehyun let his hand fall away and rest in his lap instead. taeyong missed his touch.

'i'm gonna go back in, it's getting pretty cold,' jaehyun said as he went to stand up.

taeyong watched as he walked over to the sliding door, not sure how to respond, but wanting to protest.

before he could put together a sentence that didn't sound desperate or whiny, jaehyun stopped to look at him.

'are you cold? you can come inside if you want,' jaehyun offered coolly.

taeyong felt a shiver go down his spine. whether it was from the wind or jaehyun's proposition, he wasn't sure.

'sure, i'd appreciate it,' taeyong said, standing up, 'i don't really wanna go back downstairs right now.'

'i understand.'

taeyong followed him through the door and into a large, nicely decorated bedroom. there were some clothes strewn around, over the desk chair and at the bottom of the bed, but overall he was impressed by its cleanliness. he took a seat in a surprisingly comfortable armchair and watched as jaehyun leaned against the wall by a shelf of books. he was at a loss for words, looking around the room, and said the first sentence he could put together.

'you read?'

jaehyun turned to look at him, eyebrows raised at his question. taeyong copied his facial expression back, and jaehyun laughed.

'i'm a third year in english literature, so yeah i read sometimes. something wrong with that?' jaehyun tested.

'no, not at all! i was just wondering, you don't seem like the...'

'the type?' jaehyun finished for him, 'i know, people are usually surprised. although, not that many people see my room.'

taeyong wasn't sure how to respond to that. he suddenly felt out of place, inadequate, like he had the wrong idea. he missed johnny, regretted coming, regretted sitting on the balcony. he could be at home, in his bed, with his cat instead. he sighed.

jaehyun watched him out of the corner of his eye. watched as he shifted uncomfortably in the chair, looking around with wide eyes, drinking everything in.

'why are you looking around like that?' jaehyun asked as he turned to him, 'what's surprising you?'

taeyong stiffened, like a deer caught in headlights, 'oh uh, i don't know. i guess i just imagined frat rooms to be.. more...'

'like a horny teenage tornado ripped through it?' jaehyun picked up his sentence as he trailed off.

'...well yeah,' taeyong said, embarrassed.

at that, jaehyun turned around and started pacing in taeyong's direction. as he approached, taeyong felt smaller and smaller, his height accentuated by his low point of view. his chest was tight with nervousness and lust as he observed jaehyun's features in the brighter light, trying to keep his breathing level.

taeyong stared, wide-eyed, as he got close enough for him to reach out and touch him. however, jaehyun didn't pause. he kept his eyes straight ahead and walked directly past the smaller boy, reaching the side of his queen bed and sitting down on it. taeyong could feel the wave of air hit him in his wake, smelling of cologne and musk and a twinge of citrus. it was then that he remembered to breathe, holding his breath subconsciously in captivation.

jaehyun watched, fascinated by the impact he had on him. he was observant, knew how to read people, but the interest he had in taeyong was like no other. he was used to girls swooning over him, and it was easy for him to turn them away, but taeyong's reaction made him feel different.

taeyong was still breathing heavily in the chair, his mind stuffy. he had two choices, either walk out of that door, find his friends and leave, or take a deep breath, turn around, and say something. raking a hand through his hair and swallowing the tension, he chose option 2.

he stood up suddenly and turned towards the bed, holding onto the chair arm when his vision swam for a second. jaehyun watched quietly, features smooth.

'i'm gay,' taeyong said bluntly, he needed to tell him sooner or later.

'i sort of guessed,' jaehyun chuckled, much to taeyong's surprise.

'how?' taeyong asked in disbelief, 'i never said anything.'

'just your disposition, i could tell. you wouldn't have come into my room if you weren't. plus, the way you like, visibly recoiled when i said we use a lot of condoms, like i hit you. even though you were the one who mentioned it,' jaehyun shrugged but kept his eyes focused on taeyong, waiting for his response.

taeyong thought back and slowly nodded his head. he said nothing for a minute, debating on whether to ask jaehyun what had been eating at him for most of the night.

'you also aren't very good at hiding your emotions. i watched your face get all scrunched up when i said i wasn't interested in drunk sorority girls,' jaehyun finally laughed a little, and a faint smile returned to his face.

taeyong collapsed back into the chair and covered his face with a whine as he listened to jaehyun. he felt his cheeks heat up once again and he could hear jaehyun laughing more at his cowering figure. the atmosphere was lifting, and the awkwardness was dissipating slowly. but he still hadn't gotten an answer.

he split his fingers to look through them at the older man, who was still watching. he chuckled and cocked his head like a puppy. taeyong thought he was ridiculously adorable for the first time that night.

jaehyun was happy to see taeyong a little more comfortable. even he had felt a little nervous, but it was quickly being replaced with something else.

once taeyong had recovered from his embarrassing memory, he sat up in the chair and placed his elbow on the arm, propping his head in jaehyun's direction.

jaehyun chuckled, 'well, to answer your question from earlier, i can confirm that my disinterest is not limited to sorority girls.'

he almost couldn't hold back a laugh at the way taeyong took a few seconds to process the complexity of his sentence, eyebrows furrowed. but as soon as he understood, his eyes lit up and he smiled.

'you could've said that so much simpler,' taeyong whined sarcastically, 'too much for my half sober brain.'

jaehyun's laugh after his complaint was the most genuine one taeyong had heard from him. it was deep and rumbling and sent shivers through taeyong's body. he couldn't help but smile at him, eyes sparkling.

they sat in comfortable silence for a moment, enjoying the company and occasionally meeting eyes and smiling. it was rare that jaehyun felt confident enough to allow another person into his room, his safe space, and especially rare for it to be a stranger. taeyong could tell it was making him a little nervous too, exposing a side of himself that could be made fun of, but he was nothing but intrigued by the older man's love for literature.

jaehyun watched as taeyong got up from the chair and walked over to the bookshelf, 'so tell me about the books here.'

'you want to talk about books?' jaehyun asked quizzically. no one had ever asked him about his books.

'yeah? i mean, you like them right? so tell me why you like them,' taeyong asked, glancing over his shoulder to meet jaehyun's curious eyes.

'i don't know, the stories are so... different, like from our world,' jaehyun began, 'and they're so different from each other too. each book is a new world.'

taeyong picked up one, 'pride and prejudice. tell me about this one.'

'it's 19th century, tells the story of love prevailing over the social classes,' he hears jaehyun from behind him, 'it's not part of my course but i read it often.'

'i could never read a book twice, i'd get bored,' taeyong said, flipping through the pages of the book and skimming some words.

'just because you know how it ends doesn't mean it's not good anymore,' jaehyun's voice sounded nearer.

'but it's not interesting anymore, plus there's so many books in the world, why would i waste time reading one twice,' taeyong placed the book back on the shelf and ran his finger along the shelf of paperbacks, many were clearly well-used and worn.

'i would rather have one book i truly love than a hundred i just like.'

jaehyun's breath prickled the hairs on taeyong's neck, and he froze in place. he could sense his presence behind him, but he didn't dare move. a soft touch on his hip made him flinch slightly, but he relaxed as the warmth soaked into his skin. the hand tightened its grip on his side and slowly, gently, twisted his body around. he had never been this close to jaehyun, but he felt oddly calm. his nose came to rest around the taller man's collar bone, and he smelled the same cologne, a mix of musk, citrus, and something floral. lavender, he thought.

jaehyun's other hand came to rest on the other side of his waist, and he bent his head, his nose brushing against his temple. taeyong tilted his head up, nearing their lips, but jaehyun had other ideas.

he suddenly gripped onto taeyong's hips and pushed him backwards, following closely behind. taeyong hit the wall next to the bookshelf, groaning softly as he fisted a handful of jaehyun's top, tugging it towards him.

'sorry,' jaehyun muttered, 'didn't mean to push you that hard.'

he placed his forearm against the wall, caging taeyong in with a flexed bicep, and taeyong struggled to control his breathing. his other hand still held his hips firmly in place.

'prove it,' taeyong said, and when jaehyun gave him his signature head tilt in confusion, he continued, 'prove that you're sorry.'

as soon as taeyong gave him the consent he was waiting for, neck straining to close the distance between them, jaehyun leaned down and connected their lips. he sucked gently on the younger's bottom lip, pulling his head even farther upwards until taeyong pulled back with a whine of complaint.

'you're too tall,' he pouted and leaned his head back against the wall, 'stop stretching your neck like a giraffe and kiss me.'

jaehyun chuckled and nodded his head obediently, 'let me help you out.'

taeyong was waiting for him to connect their lips again when he felt two hands underneath his thighs. he muffled his shriek into jaehyun's shoulder as he was hoisted into the air, his eyes now parallel with his own. taeyong wrapped his legs tightly around his waist and looped his arms around his neck, his heart racing in shock and excitement.

'is that better?' jaehyun gave him a sweet smile as he rubbed his hand along the bottom of his thigh.

'yeah, can we proceed now?' taeyong asked impatiently, 'it's scary up here, i have a fear of heights.'

jaehyun grinned, 'let me take your mind off of it.'

taeyong met him halfway in a crash of lips and tongue, threading his hands into the older man's hair for support. jaehyun groaned into his mouth when he pulled gently, and taeyong only kissed him harder. when he pulled back to breathe, jaehyun latched onto his exposed neck, suckling and nipping along his jawline and down towards adam's apple. taeyong had been letting out small gasps and moans as he tickled his neck, but when jaehyun reached the crook of his neck, a high-pitched whine escaped from his lips and he pulled jaehyun up to meet him. jaehyun smiled against his lips as he allowed taeyong to manhandle him.

after a few minutes, jaehyun's arms were starting to ache, and he pulled back to lean towards the younger's ear.

'i'm gonna move us, okay? hold on,' he whispered against his skin, sending shivers down taeyong's back.

he silently nodded, still gasping for air, and wound his arm tighter around jaehyun's neck as his back left the wall. in a moment, he was being deposited on the mattress, and he released his arms and legs to scoot up against the headboard.

'you're okay with this?' jaehyun asked him cautiously.

'with what?' taeyong answered, 'what do you have planned?'

'nothing i-, i just want you to feel safe,' jaehyun said softly, 'we won't do anything you don't feel comfortable with.'

'well i don't fuck on the first date, if that's what you're asking me,' taeyong giggled at the look of horror that flashed across jaehyun's face.

'no! i wasn't, i wasn't saying that, i just-,' he stumbled over his words until he processed the rest of his sentence, 'first date? are you implying... more dates?'

'i wouldn't call this a date, exactly, but i certainly hope you weren't planning on never seeing me again,' taeyong smiled at the taller man.

'i wasn't,' jaehyun chuckled, 'i would love to ask you on a proper date.'

'well i would love that too, but let's not waste the time we have tonight,' taeyong said to him, watching jaehyun nod.

'you have to tell me if you're not comfortable, alright?' jaehyun repeated, 'you sure you're okay?' 

'i'm better than okay,' taeyong assured him with a smile, 'i'd be fantastic if i wasn't sitting on this big, cold bed all by myself.'

he wiggled his eyebrows at jaehyun, who just smirked and reached down to tug his shirt over his head. he flung it on the floor and crawled onto the bed, covering taeyong's body with his own. after using his, now freed, hands to grip taeyong's chin and pull his lips up to his, he placed his thighs on both sides of taeyong's and sat back on his ankles. running his hands along taeyong's sides, he watched the younger lean into the pillows, close his eyes, and arch his back into jaehyun's touch.

'you're so, unbelievably beautiful,' he muttered, and smiled at taeyong's whimper of pleasure.

he carefully reached below taeyong's shirt, feeling him shiver at his cold touch, and tugged the hem of his top up and over his head. his chest was smooth, slightly tanned, and slender, everything he was imagining and more.

taeyong had opened his eyes by then, and was staring at jaehyun, consumed by the way his eyes roamed over his bare chest, like he was scared to touch. he was so engrossed, but he was also getting cold, and he gave up the sight in favour of pulling jaehyun to his lips, sheltering his body in the warmth of another.

over the course of the night, jaehyun always kept one hand on the small of taeyong's back, pulling his body flush against his own. one of his knees was moved in between taeyong's so he could hold himself up and still use his hand to cup his chin or stroke through his hair. he was mentally jotting a list of every action of his that taeyong loved, sucking on the junction of his neck and shoulder, pinching his hips, nipping right below his ear, calling him beautiful. anything that made taeyong whine especially high, arch his back farther off the bed, and throw his head back in pure delight.

they had kept up for hours into the night, finding new things and sweet spots, never losing energy. taeyong had discovered that, along with tugging on his hair, jaehyun absolutely loved when he pinched his nipple. taeyong had been straddling him at that point, their tongues fighting for dominance, and he reached down blindly just to see his reaction. jaehyun was lucky his moan was muffled by taeyong's mouth, but he nearly melted beneath taeyong's hands, his head hitting the pillow hard and arching back, exposing his neck. taeyong took his chance to litter kisses across his chest and collarbone, giggling as jaehyun recovered.

eventually, taeyong grew tired, and jaehyun could sense it, so he flipped them over and shallowed his attacks on taeyong's bruising skin. taeyong still leaned into the hand on his back, and occasionally tugged on his hair to pull his lips back up, but his eyes were growing heavy. jaehyun dropped to one elbow as he hovered over taeyong, softly stroking along the dip of his collarbone, the ridge of his chest, and up and down his slim waist.

'you're so beautiful,' jaehyun whispered, 'so, so stunning.'

taeyong, eyes closed and dozing off, opened his mouth and let out a mumbled, 'jaheeeeheeh,' before turning onto his side and pushing his nose into the crook of his neck with a deep sigh.

jaehyun let his hand rest on the small of his back as he drifted off himself, content with the way his evening had ended up. much better than another night of turning away girl after trashed sorority girl.

jaehyun was just dozing off as well when he heard a distinct holler from the open balcony door, and then another.

'TAEYONG!'

the second time the voice echoed through their dimly lit room, taeyong had stirred against him, mumbling something incoherent but keeping his nose nuzzled against his neck. the third time, taeyong shot up, startling jaehyun, and almost hitting his chin.

'TAAAAAEYONGGGG'

taeyong immediately got up off the bed, fishing around for his top and phone, still half-asleep.

'who's that?' jaehyun asked, getting up to help him find his things.

'johnny, he's probably looking for me to go home,' taeyong answered him, 'sorry i woke you up.'

'you don't want to stay?' jaehyun sounded hurt, and taeyong stopped looking for his phone to turn to him.

'of course i do, jae, but my friends are looking for me. i can't just disappear with no explanation,' taeyong told him, walking over to take his face in his hands.

jaehyun's hands moved subconsciously to his sides, tracing and mapping every inch of him. he nuzzled his nose into taeyong's hair, stood almost exactly as they were when they first touched.

'i've got to go, jae,' taeyong placed a fleeting kiss on his jawline before pulling away, 'plus, i'd like to save waking up together for our second date.'

jaehyun's arms fell to his sides as he watched taeyong grab his shirt and throw it on swiftly. his hands felt empty and cold, but he stuffed them into his jeans pockets.

'i look forward to it, then,' jaehyun responded, 'here, give me your phone.'

taeyong handed him his unlocked phone and waited as he put his contact in, calling himself so the number would be shared.

'there, i'll text you with details for our proper date, okay?' jaehyun handed the phone back, and taeyong grinned at him.

'sounds perfect, don't wait too long,' taeyong answered, heading towards the door.

'i won't,' jaehyun said, watching him open the door to the hallway, 'wait.'

taeyong paused, almost on instinct, and turned to him. jaehyun walked over and grabbed his chin once more, pulling him up to meet his lips. taeyong kissed back, almost forgetting about his friends entirely and dragging jaehyun back to bed, but he couldn't, he knew that. he allowed jaehyun a few more seconds before pulled away slowly, kissing his jaw, and stepping backwards into the hallway. jaehyun stayed, panting, in his bedroom doorway.

'kiss me like that when you see me again,' taeyong said to him with sparkling eyes.

'i promise,' jaehyun said as he watched taeyong's back recede down the hall, towards the stairs.

jaehyun closed his door softly and leaned against it, wondering how on earth he'd gotten so lucky that night. he walked over to the bookshelf, touching the books he'd watched taeyong run his hands over, finding a new draw to them. he picked up pride and prejudice, feeling the worn cover between his fingers, and carried it to his bedside. he knew he wouldn't be sleeping well that night, and it was one of his favourites to read on lonely nights.

taeyong walked down the stairs slowly, seeing a much smaller crowd of people than he expected. the music was turned down, the beer pong tables were littered with plastic cups, but no players, and those that were awake were just quietly chatting. he saw the backs of his friends sitting on a couch in the living room, and he walked towards them.

'hey guys, how was your-'

'TAEYONG!'

johnny and yuta jumped off the couch and grabbed him, hugging him close. he laughed at the sudden affection and patted their backs gently.

'taeyong it's nearly 4am! we thought you walked home by yourself, or worse!' johnny shrieked in his ear, and taeyong flinched, rubbing his head.

'sorry, i fell asleep upstairs on accident,' he said after they released him.

yuta's jaw dropped in shock, johnny just stared at him, and ten, who was still sitting on the couch, cheered. taeyong looked at them in confusion, until he saw where they were all staring. he was sure his neck was covered in purpling bruises, he hadn't even had a chance to look in a mirror, but his low-hanging top wasn't doing him any good.

'i told them you were getting some hot frat boy  
dick!' ten laughed and high-fived him, which taeyong awkwardly accepted. ten's neck matched his own, maybe even worse.

'bro, i thought you'd been drugged or kidnapped or something,' yuta said seriously, 'but i mean, go you bro, that's.. lit i guess.'

johnny held up taeyong's missing hoodie, which he's probably retrieved from the basement while on the hunt for the missing boy. he grabbed it and pulled it on, covering his neck and collarbones a little more.

'thanks, john,' taeyong said, before turning to yuta and laughing, 'i actually didn't, have sex i mean. i promise, but i did find a very.. interesting frat boy.'

ten wiggled his eyebrows at him and taeyong laughed, smacking his arm playfully.

'looks like everyone had a fun time then?' ten asked the group, getting a chorus of nods.

'guess we'll be coming back again next week,' johnny chuckled as he thew his arm around taeyong.

taeyong laughed and leaned his head against his roommate as they headed towards the front door, 'guess we will be.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally published may 2019. all work is my own. 
> 
> how'd you like it!!! this is my first au style one shot and it was so fun! i'm sorry it's literally 7k words but i really enjoyed writing it, even though i'm right in the middle of finals currently and i should definitely be studying. but anyways, let me know if you prefer this over the typical, real life? style chapters, or if this is more fun.
> 
> my [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aurorahobi) :)


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